About a decade ago after traveling about 100,000 air miles to Catholic marriage and family conferences in practically every part of North America, I finally admitted that husbands and fathers just weren’t attending marriage and family events – no matter how well they were organized.

I made a firm decision to do something to reach the men and realized that conferences had to adjust the way they were doing things in order to reach men. Now, a decade later, there are thousands of very grateful wives and husbands who have benefited from our modified conference strategies. Here are some of the hard-learned lessons that I would like to share with you.

1. Male attendance on Friday/Saturday Marriage & Family Event
As many as 60% to 90% of the men who attend a Friday evening event, will not attend again for marriage and family seminar on Saturday – even if a direct appeal is made to them to attend on Friday night.

The majority of men will not return on Saturday for a marriage event. It is awkward speaking to couples (in reality just wives who wish their husbands were present) about their marriage on Saturday when the men are noticeably absent.

2. Combo Men’s Conference/Family Conference
Although this is frequently requested, we haven’t had a really successful event over the past 10 years with a combination of a men-only format with a male/female event. The unique dynamic of a men-only event seems to be lost by doing this. Many of the men who need the conference most simply don’t attend. Of those who do attend the men-only event, many will not return for the marriage event (same as #2 above). Therefore, we do not recommend mixing a men's event in conjunction with a marriage and family event. The unique dynamic of a men-only event is lost by doing this.

3. Men-only Friday & Saturday Event:
Men-only Friday night:
Men-only weeknights (except Mondays during football season)
Men-only Saturday morning:
Men-only all day Saturday:
All of these stand-alone options for men seem to work well. If you have a Friday and Saturday men-only event, or an all day Saturday event, you should plan on having multiple speakers.

By having a men-only stand-alone event, you are proclaiming loud and clear before the event even starts, that fathers are so important that you are having an event just for them. Many Catholic fathers (of the age with children in the home) have no living memory or experience of anything exclusively for them.

4. Strategies for a successful marriage and family conference:
If you want a marriage and family conference with good male attendance, then it is best to schedule a Friday-night-only or a Saturday-only marriage/family event. Bottom line: you’ll probably get the guys who need the conference most out only one time. Schedule very wisely!

If you are having me speak on marriage, along with parenting teens, and child discipline, then don’t put in your schedule the specific times that the various topics will be covered. Otherwise, many couples will skip the marriage talk (the most vital for parenting) and attend only the teen or child training talks. Just use the general title (like “Achieving Excellence in Christian Marriage & Family Life, Part I, Part II, etc.) with just general times for the event. Go ahead and list the topics that will be covered, but don’t put times next to specific subjects.

Starting in 2004, I am making PREP communication skills training available to couples as a component of my marriage seminars. Both men and women like PREP training. It has a proven ability to reduce tensions in stressed marriages, as well as making good marriages even stronger and lowering probabilities of divorce (see the note about PREP below). The advice in this memo is critical if you want to do PREP couples training. Otherwise, can you imagine the frustration of a wife in a stressed marriage sitting though couples communication training without her husband present? Also, if you advertise that there will be marital communication training, you need to state that no one will be required to talk about personal information with others in attendance.

Be aware that you will also have a drop-off in male attendance if your conference continues after lunch time. You might consider starting early (8:00 or 8:30) and winding up at noon, or 12:30. (Guys don’t seem to mind an early start Saturday morning.)

5. Advantages

I know it is hard to choose, but your best chances for a successful conference will result from choosing just one. Both options are good and greatly needed, yet I recommend choosing only one. I’ve seen very positive fruit from both options, so I’d be delighted to do either one.

6. Selecting a date
Before selecting a date, be sure to consult high school, college, and professional sports schedules if you desire to have good male attendance.

I hope this helps in your planning. I look forward to speaking at your conference or seminar.

Yours in His Majesty’s Service,

Steve Wood


A note about PREP …

PREP’s effectiveness has been shown in studies over 20 years, in four countries, by six different research teams
PREP couples have 1/3 the break up rate of control couples after 5 years. (Research funded by the National Institute of Mental Health.)

In a recent study in Germany (co-sponsored by the government and the Catholic Church):
3% of the PREP couples had divorced after 5 years, compared to 16% of couples who received traditional (including Pre-Cana) premarital education. (Non-PREP couples had more than a 500% higher divorce rate!)