Guidelines for Education within
the Family
The Pontifical Council for the Family
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Rome November 21, 1995
Contents
Introduction
Chapter I: Called to True Love
Chapter II: True Love and Chastity
Chapter III: In the Light of Vocation
Chapter IV: Father and Mother as Educators
Chapter V: Paths of Formation within the Family
Chapter VI: Learning Stages
Chapter VII: Practical Guidelines
Chapter VIII: Conclusion
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Introduction
The Situation and the Problem
1. Among the many difficulties parents
encounter today, despite different social contexts,
one certainly stands out: giving children an
adequate preparation for adult life, particularly
with regard to education in the true meaning
of sexuality. There are many reasons for this
difficulty and not all of them are new.
In the past, even when the family did not provide
specific sexual education, the general culture
was permeated by respect for fundamental values
and hence served to protect and maintain them.
In the greater part of society, both in developed
and developing countries, the decline of traditional
models has left children deprived of consistent
and positive guidance, while parents find themselves
unprepared to provide adequate answers. This
new context is made worse by what we observe:
an eclipse of the truth about man which, among
other things, exerts pressure to reduce sex
to something commonplace. In this area, society
and the mass media most of the time provide
depersonalized, recreational and often pessimistic
information. Moreover, this information does
not take into account the different stages of
formation and development of children and young
people, and it is influenced by a distorted
individualistic concept of freedom, in an ambience
lacking the basic values of life, human love
and the family.
Then the school, making itself available to
carry out programmes of sex education, has often
done this by taking the place of the family
and, most of the time, with the aim of only
providing information. Sometimes this really
leads to the deformation of consciences. In
many cases parents have given up their duty
in this field or agreed to delegate it to others,
because of the difficulty and their own lack
of preparation.
In such a situation, many Catholic parents
turn to the Church to take up the task of providing
guidance and suggestions for educating their
children, especially in the phase of childhood
and adolescence. At times, parents themselves
have brought up their difficulties when they
are confronted by teaching given at school and
thus brought into the home by their children.
The Pontifical Council for the Family has received
repeated and pressing requests to provide guidelines
in support of parents in this delicate area
of education.
2. Aware of this family dimension of
education for love and for living one's own
sexuality properly and conscious of the unique
"experience of humanity" of the community
of believers, our Council wishes to put forward
pastoral guidelines, drawing on the wisdom which
comes from the Word of the Lord and the values
which illuminate the teaching of the Church.
Therefore, above all, we wish to tie this help
for parents to fundamental content about the
truth and meaning of sex, within the framework
of a genuine and rich anthropology. In offering
this truth, we are aware that "every one
who is of the truth" (John 18: 37) hears
the word of the One who is the Truth in Person
(cf. John 14: 6).
This guide is meant to be neither a treatise
of moral theology nor a compendium of psychology.
But it does owe much to the gains of science,
to the socio-cultural conditions of the family,
and to the proclamation of gospel values which
are always new and can be incarnated in a concrete
way in every age.
3. In this field, the Church is strengthened
by some unquestionable certainties that have
also guided the preparation of this document.
Love is a gift of God, nourished by and expressed
in the encounter of man and woman. Love is thus
a positive force directed towards their growth
towards maturity as persons. In the plan of
life which represents each person's vocation,
love is also a precious source for the self-giving
which all men and women are called to make for
their own self-realization and happiness. In
fact, man is called to love as an incarnate
spirit, that is soul and body in the unity of
the person. Human love hence embraces the body,
and the body also expresses spiritual love.
Cf. John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation, Familiaris
Consortio, November 22, 1981, 21; AAS 74 (1982),
p. 105. Therefore, sexuality is not something
purely biological, rather it concerns the intimate
nucleus of the person. The use of sexuality
as physical giving has its own truth and reaches
its full meaning when it expresses the personal
giving of man and woman even unto death. As
with the whole of the person's life, love is
exposed to the frailty brought about by original
sin, a frailty experienced today in many socio-cultural
contexts marked by strong negative influences,
at times deviant and traumatic. Nevertheless,
the Lord's Redemption has made the positive
practice of chastity into something that is
really possible and a motive for joy, both for
those who have the vocation to marriage (before,
in the time of preparation, and afterwards,
in the course of married life) as well as for
those who have the gift of a special calling
to the consecrated life.
4. In the light of the Redemption and
how adolescents and young people are formed,
the virtue of chastity is found within temperance—a
cardinal virtue elevated and enriched by grace
in baptism. So chastity is not to be understood
as a repressive attitude. On the contrary, chastity
should be understood rather as the purity and
temporary stewardship of a precious and rich
gift of love, in view of the self-giving realized
in each person's specific vocation. Chastity
is thus that "spiritual energy capable
of defending love from the perils of selfishness
and aggressiveness, and able to advance it towards
its full realization". Ibid., 33.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church describes
and in a sense defines chastity in this way:
"Chastity means the successful integration
of sexuality within the person and thus the
inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual
being". Catechism of the Catholic Church,
October 11, 1992, 2337.
5. In the framework of educating the
young person for self-realization and self-giving,
formation for chastity implies the collaboration
first and foremost of the parents, as is the
case with formation for the other virtues such
as temperance, fortitude and prudence. Chastity
cannot exist as a virtue without the capacity
to renounce self, to make sacrifices and to
wait.
In giving life, parents cooperate with the
creative power of God and receive the gift of
a new responsibility—not only to feed their
children and satisfy their material and cultural
needs, but above all to pass on to them the
lived truth of the faith and to educate them
in love of God and neighbour. This is the parents'
first duty in the heart of the "domestic
church". Cf. Second Vatican Council, Dogmatic
Constitution on the Church, Lumen Gentium, 11;
Decree on the Apostolate of the Laity, Apostolicam
Actuositatem, 11.
The Church has always affirmed that parents
have the duty and the right to be the first
and the principal educators of their children.
Taking up the teaching of the Second Vatican
Council, the Catechism of the Catholic Church
says: "It is imperative to give suitable
and timely instruction to young people, above
all in the heart of their own families, about
the dignity of married love, its role and its
exercise". Catechism of the Catholic Church,
1632, citing Vatican Council II, Pastoral Constitution
on the Church in the Modern World, Gaudium et
Spes, 49.
6. The challenges raised today by the
mentality and social environment should not
discourage parents. In fact it is worth recalling
that Christians have had to face up to similar
challenges of materialistic hedonism from the
time of the first evangelization. Moreover,
"This kind of critical reflection should
lead our society, which certainly contains many
positive aspects on the material and cultural
level, to realize that, from various points
of view, it is a society which is sick and is
creating profound distortions in man. Why is
this happening? The reason is that our society
has broken away from the full truth about man,
from the truth about what man and woman really
are as persons. Thus it cannot adequately comprehend
the real meaning of the gift of persons in marriage,
responsible love at the service of fatherhood
and motherhood, and the true grandeur of procreation
and education". John Paul II, Letter to
Families, Gratissimam sane, February 2, 1994,
20: AAS 86 (1994), p. 917.
7. Therefore the educative work of parents
is indispensable for, "If it is true that
by giving life parents share in God's creative
work, it is also true that by raising their
children they become sharers in his paternal
and at the same time maternal way of teaching......Through
Christ all education, within the family, and
outside of it, becomes part of God's own saving
pedagogy, which is addressed to individuals
and families and culminates in the Paschal Mystery
of the Lord's Death and Resurrection".
Ibid., 16.
In their at times delicate and arduous task,
parents must not let themselves become discouraged,
rather they should place their trust in the
help of God the Creator and Christ the Redeemer.
They should remember that the Church prays for
them with the words that Pope Saint Clement
I raised to the Lord for all who bear authority
in his name: "Grant to them, Lord, health,
peace, concord and stability, so that they may
exercise without offence the sovereignty that
you have given them. Master, heavenly King of
the ages, you give glory, honour and power over
the things of the earth to the sons of men.
Direct, Lord, their counsel, following what
is pleasing and acceptable in your sight, so
that by exercising with devotion and in peace
and gentleness the power that you have given
to them, they may find favour with you".
Saint Clement of Rome, Letter to the Corinthians,
61: 1-2; cf. Catechism of the Catholic Church,
1900. On the other hand, having given and welcomed
life in an atmosphere of love, parents are rich
in an educative potential which no one else
possesses. In a unique way they know their own
children; they know them in their unrepeatable
identity and by experience they possess the
secrets and the resources of true love.
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I—Called To True Love
8. As the image of God, man is created
for love. This truth was fully revealed to us
in the New Testament, together with the mystery
of the inner life of the Trinity: "God
is love (1 John 4: 8) and in himself he lives
a mystery of personal loving communion. Creating
the human race in his own image....God inscribed
in the humanity of man and woman the vocation,
and thus the capacity and responsibility, of
love and communion. Love is therefore the fundamental
and innate vocation of every human being."
Familiaris Consortio, 11. The whole meaning
of true freedom, and self-control which follows
from it, is thus directed towards self-giving
in communion and friendship with God and with
others. Cf. John Paul II, Apostolic Letter,
Mulieris Dignitatem, August 15 1988, 7 and 18;
AAS 80 (1988), pp. 1667 and 1693.
Human Love as Self-Giving
9. The person is thus capable of a higher
kind of love than concupiscence, which only
sees objects as a means to satisfy one's appetites;
the person is capable rather of friendship and
self-giving, with the capacity to recognize
and love persons for themselves. Like the love
of God, this is a love capable of generosity.
One desires the good of the other because he
or she is recognized as worthy of being loved.
This is a love which generates communion between
persons, because each considers the good of
the other as his or her own good. This is a
self-giving made to one who loves us, a self-giving
whose inherent goodness is discovered and activated
in the communion of persons and where one learns
the value of loving and of being loved.
Each person is called to love as friendship
and self-giving. Each person is freed from the
tendency to selfishness by the love of others,
in the first place by parents or those who take
their place and, definitively, by God, from
whom all true love proceeds and in whose love
alone does man discover to what extent he is
loved. Here we find the root of the educative
power of Christianity: "Humanity is loved
by God! This very simple yet profound proclamation
is owed to humanity by the Church." John
Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation, Christifideles
Laici, December 30 1988, 34; AAS 81 (1989),
p. 456.. In this way Christ has revealed his
true identity to man: "Christ the new Adam,
in the very revelation of the mystery of the
Father and of his love, fully reveals man to
himself and brings to light his most high calling."
Gaudium et Spes, 22.
The love revealed by Christ "which the
Apostle Paul celebrates in the First Letter
to the Corinthians...is certainly a demanding
love. But this is precisely the source of its
beauty: by the very fact that it is demanding,
it builds up the true good of man and allows
it to radiate to others." Letter to Families,
Gratissimam Sane, 14. Therefore it is a love
which respects and builds up the person because
"Love is true when it creates the good
of persons and of communities; it creates that
good and gives it to others." Ibid., 14.
Love and Human Sexuality
10. Man is called to love and to self-giving
in the unity of body and spirit. Femininity
and masculinity are complementary gifts, through
which human sexuality is an integrating part
of the concrete capacity for love which God
has inscribed in man and woman. "Sexuality
is a fundamental component of personality, one
of its modes of being, of manifestation, of
communicating with others, of feeling, of expressing
and of living human love." Congregation
for Catholic Education, Educational Guidance
in Human Love, November 1, 1983, 4; L'Osservatore
Romano, English edition, December 5, 1983, p.
5. This capacity for love as self-giving is
thus "incarnated" in the nuptial meaning
of the body, which bears the imprint of the
person's masculinity and femininity. "The
human body, with its sex, and its masculinity
and femininity, seen in the very mystery of
creation, is not only a source of fruitfulness
and procreation, as in the whole natural order,
but includes right 'from the beginning' the
'nuptial' attribute, that is, the capacity of
expressing love: that love precisely in which
the man-person becomes a gift and—by means
of this gift—fulfils the very meaning of
his being and existence." John Paul II,
General Audience, January 16, 1980, 1; L'Osservatore
Romano, English edition, January 21, 1983, p.
1. Every form of love will always bear this
masculine and feminine character.
11. Human sexuality is thus a good,
part of that created gift which God saw as being
"very good", when he created the human
person in his image and likeness, and "male
and female he created them" (Genesis 1:27).
Insofar as it is a way of relating and being
open to others, sexuality has love as its intrinsic
end, more precisely, love as donation and acceptance,
love as giving and receiving. The relationship
between a man and a woman is essentially a relationship
of love: "Sexuality, oriented, elevated
and integrated by love acquires truly human
quality." Educational Guidance in Human
Love, 6. When such love exists in marriage,
self-giving expresses, through the body, the
complementarity and totality of the gift. Married
love thus becomes a power which enriches persons
and makes them grow and, at the same time, it
contributes to building up the civilization
of love. But when the sense and meaning of gift
is lacking in sexuality, a "civilization
of things and not of persons" takes over,
"a civilization in which persons are used
in the same way as things are used. In the context
of a civilization of use, woman can become an
object for man, children a hindrance to parents..."
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane, 13.
12. The gift of God: this great truth
and basic fact stands at the centre of the Christian
conscience of parents and their children. Here
we refer to the gift which God has given us
in calling us to life, to exist as man or woman
in an unrepeatable existence, full of endless
possibilities for growing spiritually and morally:
"human life is a gift received in order
then to be given as a gift." John Paul
II, Encyclical Letter, Evangelium Vitae, March
25, 1995, 92; AAS (1995), p. 506. "In fact
the gift reveals, so to speak, a particular
characteristic of human existence, or rather,
of the very essence of the person. When God
Yahweh says that 'it is not good that man should
be alone' (Genesis 2:18), he affirms that 'alone',
man does not completely realize his existence.
He realizes it only by existing 'with some one'—and
even more deeply and completely: by existing
'for some one'." John Paul II, General
Audience, January 9, 1980, 2; L'Osservatore
Romano, English edition, January 14, 1989, p.
1. Married love is fulfilled in openness to
the other person and in self-giving, taking
the form of a total gift that belongs to this
state of life. Moreover, the vocation to the
consecrated life always finds its meaning in
self-giving, sustained by a special grace, the
gift of oneself "to God alone with an undivided
heart in a remarkable manner" Catechism
of the Catholic Church, 2349. in order to serve
him more fully in the Church. Therefore, in
every condition and state of life, this gift
comes to be ever more wondrous by redeeming
grace, through which we become "partakers
of the divine nature" (2 Peter 1:4) and
are called to live the supernatural communion
of love together with God and with our brothers
and sisters. Even in the most delicate situations,
Christian parents cannot forget that the gift
of God is there, at the very basis of all personal
and family history.
13. "As an incarnate spirit, that
is, a soul which expresses itself in a body
and a body informed by an immortal spirit, man
is called to love in his unified totality. Love
includes the human body, and the body is made
a sharer in spiritual love." Familiaris
Consortio, 11. The meaning of sexuality itself
is to be understood in the light of Christian
Revelation: "Sexuality characterizes man
and woman not only on the physical level, but
also on the psychological and spiritual, making
its mark on each of their expressions. Such
diversity, linked to the complementarity of
the two sexes, allows thorough response to the
design of God according to the vocation to which
each one is called." Educational Guidance
in Human Love, 5.
Married Love
14. When love is lived out in marriage,
it includes and surpasses friendship. Love between
a man and woman is achieved when they give themselves
totally, each in turn according to their own
masculinity and femininity, founding on the
marriage covenant that communion of persons
where God has willed that human life be conceived,
grow and develop. To this married love, and
to this love alone, belongs sexual giving, "realized
in a truly human way only if it is an integral
part of the love by which a man and a woman
commit themselves totally to one another until
death." Familiaris Consortio, 11. The Catechism
of the Catholic Church recalls: "In marriage
the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes
a sign and pledge of spiritual communion. Marriage
bonds between baptized persons are sanctified
by the sacrament." Catechism of the Catholic
Church, 2360.
Love Open to Life
15. The revealing sign of authentic
married love is openness to life: "In its
most profound reality, love is essentially a
gift; and conjugal love, while leading the spouses
to the reciprocal 'knowledge'....does not end
with the couple, because it makes them capable
of the greatest possible gift, the gift by which
they become cooperators with God for giving
life to a new human person. Thus the couple,
while giving themselves to one another, give
not just themselves but also the reality of
children, who are a living reflection of their
love, a permanent sign of conjugal unity and
a living and inseparable synthesis of their
being a father and a mother." Familiaris
Consortio, 14. From this communion of love and
life spouses draw that human and spiritual richness
and that positive atmosphere for offering their
children the support of education for love and
chastity.
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II—True Love And Chastity
16. As we will later observe, virginal
and married love are the two forms in which
the person's call to love is fulfilled. In order
for both to develop, they require the commitment
to live chastity, in conformity with each person's
own state of life. As the Catechism of the Catholic
Church says, sexuality "becomes personal
and truly human when it is integrated into the
relationship of one person to another, in the
complete and mutual lifelong gift of a man and
a woman." Catechism of the Catholic Church,
2337. Insofar as it entails sincere self-giving,
it is obvious that growth in love is helped
by that discipline of the feelings, passions
and emotions which leads us to self-mastery.
One cannot give what one does not possess. If
the person is not master of self—through
the virtues and, in a concrete way, through
chastity—he or she lacks that self-possession
which makes self-giving possible. Chastity is
the spiritual power which frees love from selfishness
and aggression. To the degree that a person
weakens chastity, his or her love becomes more
and more selfish, that is, satisfying a desire
for pleasure and no longer self-giving.
Chastity as Self-Giving
17. Chastity is the joyous affirmation
of someone who knows how to live self-giving,
free from any form of self-centred slavery.
This presupposes that the person has learnt
how to accept other people, to relate with them,
while respecting their dignity in diversity.
The chaste person is not self-centred, not involved
in selfish relationships with other people.
Chastity makes the personality harmonious. It
matures it and fills it with inner peace. This
purity of mind and body helps develop true self-respect
and at the same time makes one capable of respecting
others, because it makes one see in them persons
to reverence, insofar as they are created in
the image of God and through grace are children
of God, re-created by Christ who "called
you out of darkness into his marvellous light"
(1 Peter 2:9).
Self-Mastery
18. "Chastity includes an apprenticeship
in self-mastery which is a training in human
freedom. The alternative is clear: either man
governs his passions and finds peace, or he
lets himself be dominated by them and becomes
unhappy." Ibid., 2339. Every person knows,
by experience, that chastity requires rejecting
certain thoughts, words and sinful actions,
as Saint Paul was careful to clarify and point
out (cf. Romans 1: 18; 6: 12-14; 1 Corinthians
6: 9-11; 2 Corinthians 7: 1; Galatians 5: 16-23;
Ephesians 4: 17-24; 5: 3-13; Colossians 3: 5-8;
1 Thessalonians 4: 1-18; 1 Timothy 1: 8-11;
4: 12). To achieve this requires ability and
an attitude of self-mastery which are signs
of inner freedom, of responsibility towards
oneself and others. At the same time, these
signs bear witness to a faithful conscience.
Such self-mastery involves both avoiding occasions
which might provoke or encourage sin as well
as knowing how to overcome one's own natural
instinctive impulses.
19. When the family is providing real
educational support and encouraging the exercise
of all the virtues, education for chastity is
made easy and lacks inner conflicts, even if
at certain times young people can experience
particularly delicate situations.
For some who find themselves in situations
where chastity is offended against and not valued,
living in a chaste way can demand a hard or
even a heroic struggle. Nonetheless, with the
grace of Christ, flowing from his spousal love
for the Church, everyone can live chastely even
if they find themselves in unfavourable circumstances.
The very fact that all are called to holiness,
as the Second Vatican Council teaches, makes
it easier to understand that everyone can be
in situations where heroic acts of virtue are
indispensable, whether in celibate life or marriage,
and that in fact in one way or another this
happens to everyone for shorter or longer periods
of time. Cf. John Paul II, Address to the Participants
at the Study Seminar on "Responsible Parenthood",
organized by the University of the Sacred Heart
and the John Paul II Institute, September 17,
1983; L'Osservatore Romano, English edition,
October 10, 1983, pp. 7 and 16. Therefore married
life also entails a joyous and demanding path
to holiness.
Chastity in Marriage
20. "Married people are called
to live conjugal chastity; others practise chastity
in continence." Catechism of the Catholic
Church, 2349. Parents are well aware that living
conjugal chastity themselves is the most valid
premise for educating their children in chaste
love and in holiness of life. This means that
parents should be aware that God's love is present
in their love, and hence that their sexual giving
should also be lived out in respect for God
and for his plan of love, with fidelity, honour
and generosity towards one's spouse and towards
the life which can arise from their act of love.
Only in this way can their love be an expression
of charity. See below n. 54. Therefore, in marriage
Christians are called to live this self-giving
in a right personal relationship with God. This
relationship is thus an expression of their
faith and love for God with the fidelity and
generous fruitfulness which distinguishes divine
love. Cf. Paul VI, Encyclical Letter, Humanae
Vitae, July 25, 1968, 8 and 9; AAS 60 (1968),
pp. 485-486. Only in this way do they respond
to the love of God and fulfil his will, which
the Commandments help us to know. There is no
legitimate love, at its highest level, which
is not also love for God. To love the Lord implies
responding positively to his commandments: "If
you love me, you will keep my commandments"
(John 14:15). Not to do so is always self-delusion,
as Saint John of Avila observes: some people
are so clouded in their minds that "they
believe that if their heart moves them to do
anything, they must do it, even if it is against
the commandments of God. They say that they
love Him so much that if they break his commandments
they do not lose his love. In this way they
forget that the Son of God preached the contrary
from his own lips: whoever welcomes my commandments
and observes them, this man loves me (John 14:21);
if anyone loves me he will keep my commandments
(John 14:23). And anyone who does not love me
does not keep my words. Thus he makes us understand
clearly that whoever does not keep his words
has neither his friendship nor his love. As
Saint Augustine says: 'no-one can love the king
if he abhors his commandments'." Audi filia,
c. 50. 21.
In order to live chastely, man and woman need
the continuous illumination of the Holy Spirit.
"At the centre of the spirituality of marriage...lies
chastity, not only as a moral virtue (formed
by love), but likewise as a virtue connected
with the gifts of the Holy Spirit—above
all the gift of respect for what comes from
God (donum pietatis)...So therefore, the interior
order of married life, which enables the 'manifestations
of affection' to develop according to their
right proportion and meaning, is a fruit not
only of the virtue which the couple practise,
but also of the gifts of the Holy Spirit with
which they cooperate." John Paul II, General
Audience, November 14, 1984, 2; L'Osservatore
Romano, English Edition, November 19, 1984,
p. 1.
On the other hand, convinced that their own
chaste life and the daily effort of bearing
witness are the premise and condition for their
educational task, parents should also consider
any attack on the virtue and chastity of their
children as an offence against the life of faith
itself that threatens and impoverishes their
own communion of life and grace (cf. Ephesians
6: 12).
Education for Chastity
22. Educating children for chastity
strives to achieve three objectives: (a) to
maintain in the family a positive atmosphere
of love, virtue and respect for the gifts of
God, in particular the gift of life; Cf. Evangelium
Vitae, 97. (a) to help children to understand
the value of sexuality and chastity in stages,
sustaining their growth through enlightening
word, example and prayer; (c) to help them understand
and discover their own vocation to marriage
or to consecrated virginity for the sake of
the Kingdom of Heaven in harmony with and respecting
their attitudes and inclinations and the gifts
of the Spirit.
23. Other educators can assist in this
task, but they can only take the place of parents
for serious reasons of physical or moral incapacity.
On this point the Magisterium of the Church
has expressed itself clearly, Cf. Familiaris
Consortio, 36—37. in relation to the whole
educative process of children: "The role
of parents in education is of such importance
that it is almost impossible to find an adequate
substitute. It is therefore the duty of parents
to create a family atmosphere inspired by love
and devotion to God and their fellow-men which
will promote an integrated, personal and social
education of their children. The family is therefore
the principal school of the social virtues which
are necessary to every society." Vatican
Council II, Declaration on Christian Education,
Gravissimum Educationis, 3. In fact education
is the parents' domain insofar as their educational
task continues the generation of life; moreover
it is an offering of their humanity Letter to
Families, Gratissimam sane, 16. to their children
to which they are solemnly bound in the very
moment of celebrating their marriage. "Parents
are the first and most important educators of
their children, and they also possess a fundamental
competency in this area: they are educators
because they are parents. They share their individual
mission with other individuals or institutions,
such as the Church and the State. But the mission
of education must always be carried out in accordance
with a proper application of the principle of
subsidiarity. This implies the legitimacy and
indeed the need of giving assistance to the
parents, but finds its intrinsic and absolute
limit in their prevailing right and their actual
capabilities. The principle of subsidiarity
is thus at the service of parental love, meeting
the good of the family unit. For parents by
themselves are not capable of satisfying every
requirement of the whole process of raising
children, especially in matters concerning their
schooling and the entire gamut of socialization.
Subsidiarity thus complements paternal and maternal
love and confirms its fundamental nature, inasmuch
as all other participants in the process of
education are only able to carry out their responsibilities
in the name of the parents, with their consent
and, to a certain degree, with their authorization."
Ibid., 16.
24. In particular, the project of education
in sexuality and true love, open to self- giving,
is confronted today by a culture guided by positivism,
as the Holy Father notes in the Letter to Families:
"..the development of contemporary civilization
is linked to a scientific and technological
progress which is often achieved in a one-sided
way, and thus appears purely positivistic. Positivism,
as we know, results in agnosticism in theory
and utilitarianism in practice and in ethics...
Utilitarianism is a civilization of production
and of use, a civilization of things and not
of persons, a civilization in which persons
are used in the same way as things are used...
To be convinced that this is the case, one need
only to look at certain sexual education programmes
introduced into the schools, often notwithstanding
the disagreement and even the protests of many
parents..." Ibid., 13.
In this context, based on the teaching of the
Church and with her support, parents must reclaim
their own task. By associating together, wherever
this is necessary or useful, they should put
into action an educational project marked by
the true values of the person and Christian
love and taking a clear position that surpasses
ethical utilitarianism. For education to correspond
to the objective needs of true love, parents
should provide this education within their own
autonomous responsibility.
25. Moreover, in relation to preparation
for marriage the teaching of the Church states
that the family must remain the main protagonist
in this educational work. Cf. Familiaris Consortio,
66.
Certainly "the changes that have taken
place within almost all modern societies demand
that not only the family but also society and
the Church should be involved in the effort
of properly preparing young people for their
future responsibilities." Ibid., loc. cit..
It is precisely with this end in view that the
educational task of the family takes on greater
importance from the earliest years: "Remote
preparation begins in early childhood in that
wise family training which leads children to
discover themselves as being endowed with a
rich and complex psychology and with a particular
personality with its own strengths and weaknesses."
Ibid., loc. cit..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
III—In The Light Of Vocation
26. The family carries out a decisive
role in cultivating and developing all vocations,
as the Second Vatican Council taught: "From
the marriage of Christians there comes the family
in which new citizens of human society are born
and, by the grace of the Holy Spirit in Baptism,
those are made children of God so that the People
of God may be perpetuated throughout the centuries.
In what might be regarded as the domestic church,
the parents by word and example, are the first
heralds of the faith with regard to their children.
They must foster the vocation which is proper
to each child, and this with special care if
it be to religion." Lumen Gentium, 11.
Yet the very fact that vocations flourish is
the sign of adequate pastoral care of the family:
"where there is an effective and enlightened
family apostolate, just as it becomes normal
to accept life as a gift from God, so it is
easier for God's voice to resound and to find
a more generous hearing." John Paul II,
Address to the Sixteenth General Assembly of
the Italian Episcopal Conference, May 15, 1979,
4; L'Osservatore Romano, English edition, June
11, 1979, p. 14.
Here we are dealing with vocations to marriage
or to virginity or celibacy, but these are always
vocations to holiness. Indeed, the document
Lumen Gentium presents the Second Vatican Council's
teaching on the universal call to holiness:
"Strengthened by so many and such great
means of salvation, all the faithful, whatever
their condition or state—though each in
his own way—are called by the Lord to that
perfection of sanctity by which the Father himself
is perfect." Lumen Gentium, 11.
1. The Vocation to Marriage
27.Formation for true love is always the best
preparation for the vocation to marriage. In
the family, children and young people can learn
to live human sexuality within the solid context
of Christian life. They can gradually discover
that a stable Christian marriage cannot be regarded
as a matter of convenience or mere sexual attraction.
By the fact that it is a vocation, marriage
must involve a carefully considered choice,
a mutual commitment before God and the constant
seeking of his help in prayer.
Called to Married Love
28. Committed to the task of educating
their children for love, Christian parents first
of all can take awareness of their married love
as a reference point. As the Encyclical Humanae
Vitae states, such love "reveals its true
nature and nobility when it is considered in
its supreme origin, God, who is love (cf. 1
John 4: 8), 'the Father from whom every family
in heaven and on earth is named' (Ephesians
3: 15). Marriage is not, then, the effect of
chance or the product of evolution of unconscious
natural forces; it is the wise institution of
the Creator to realize in mankind his design
of love. By means of the reciprocal personal
gift of self, proper and exclusive to them,
husband and wife tend towards the communion
of their beings in view of mutual personal perfection,
to collaborate with God in the generation and
education of new lives. For baptized persons,
moreover, marriage invests the dignity of a
sacramental sign of grace, inasmuch as it represents
the union of Christ and of the Church."
Humanae Vitae, 8.
The Holy Father's Letter to Families recalls
that: "The family is in fact a community
of persons whose proper way of existing and
living together is communion: communio personarum."
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane, 7. Going
back to the teaching of the Second Vatican Council,
the Holy Father teaches that such a communion
involves "a certain similarity between
the union of the divine Persons and union of
God's children in truth and love." Gaudium
et Spes, 24. "This rich and meaningful
formulation first of all confirms what is central
to the identity of every man and every woman.
This identity consists in the capacity to live
in truth and love; even more, it consists in
the need of truth and love as an essential dimension
of the life of the person. Man's need for truth
and love opens him both to God and to creatures:
it opens him to other people, to life in communion,
and in particular to marriage and to the family."
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane, 8.
29. As the Encyclical Humanae Vitae
affirms, married love has four characteristics:
it is human love (physical and spiritual), it
is total, faithful and fruitful love. Cf. Humanae
Vitae, 9.
These characteristics are founded on the fact
that "In marriage man and woman are so
firmly united as to become, to use the words
of the Book of Genesis—one flesh (Genesis
2:24). Male and female in their physical constitution,
the two human subjects, even though physically
different, share equally in the capacity to
live in truth and love. This capacity, characteristic
of the human being as a person, has at the same
time both a spiritual and a bodily dimension......The
family which results from this union draws its
inner solidity from the covenant between the
spouses, which Christ raised to a Sacrament.
The family draws its proper character as a community,
its traits of communion, from that fundamental
communion of the spouses which is prolonged
in their children. Will you accept children
lovingly from God, and bring them up according
to the law of Christ and his Church?, the celebrant
asks during the Rite of Marriage. The answer
given by the spouses reflects the most profound
truth of the love which unites them." Letter
to Families, Gratissimam Sane, 8. With the same
formula, spouses commit themselves and promise
to be "faithful forever" Rituale Romanum,
Ordo celebrandi matrimonium, 60. because their
fidelity really flows from this communion of
persons which is rooted in the plan of the Creator,
in Trinitarian Love and in the Sacrament which
expresses the faithful union between Christ
and the Church.
30. Christian marriage is a sacrament
whereby sexuality is integrated into a path
to holiness, through a bond reinforced by the
indissoluble unity of the sacrament: "The
gift of the sacrament is at the same time a
vocation and commandment for the Christian spouses,
that they may remain faithful to each other
forever, beyond every trial and difficulty,
in generous obedience to the holy will of the
Lord: 'What therefore God has joined together,
let not man put asunder'." Familiaris Consortio,
20, citing Matthew 19:6.
Parents Face a Current Concern
31. Unfortunately, even in Christian
societies today, parents have reason to be concerned
about the stability of their children's future
marriages. Nevertheless, in spite of the rising
number of divorces and the growing crisis of
the family, they should respond with optimism,
committing themselves to give their children
a deep Christian formation to make them able
to overcome various difficulties. Actually,
the love for chastity, which parents help to
form, favours mutual respect between man and
woman and provides a capacity for compassion,
tolerance, generosity, and above all, a spirit
of sacrifice, without which love cannot endure.
Children will thus come to marriage with that
realistic wisdom about which Saint Paul speaks
when he teaches that husband and wife must continually
give way to one another in love, cherishing
one another with mutual patience and affection
(cf. 1 Corinthians 7: 3-6; Ephesians 5: 21-23).
32. Through this remote formation for
chastity in the family, adolescents and young
people learn to live sexuality in its personal
dimension, rejecting any kind of separation
of sexuality from love—understood as self-giving—and
any separation of the love between husband and
wife from the family.
Parental respect for life and the mystery of
procreation will spare the child or young person
from the false idea that the two dimensions
of the conjugal act, unitive and procreative,
can be separated at will. Thus the family comes
to be recognized as an inseparable part of the
vocation to marriage.
A Christian education for chastity within the
family cannot remain silent about the moral
gravity involved in separating the unitive dimension
from the procreative dimension within married
life. This happens above all in contraception
and artificial procreation. In the first case,
one intends to seek sexual pleasure, intervening
in the conjugal act to avoid conception; in
the second case conception is sought by substituting
the conjugal act with a technique. These are
actions contrary to the truth of married love
and contrary to full communion between husband
and wife.
Forming young people for chastity should thus
become a preparation for responsible fatherhood
and motherhood, which "directly concern
the moment in which a man and a woman, uniting
themselves in one flesh, can become parents.
This is a moment of special value both for their
interpersonal relationship and for their service
to life: they can become parents—father
and mother—by communicating life to a new
human being. The two dimensions of conjugal
union, the unitive and the procreative, cannot
be artificially separated without damaging the
deepest truth of the conjugal act itself."
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane, 12; cf.
Humanae Vitae, 12; Catechism of the Catholic
Church, 2366.
It is also necessary to put before young people
the consequences, which are always very serious,
of separating sexuality from procreation when
someone reaches the stage of practising sterilization
and abortion or pursuing sexual activity dissociated
from married love, before and outside of marriage.
Much of the moral order and marital harmony
of the family, hence also the true good of society,
depends on this timely education, which finds
its place in God's plan, in the very structure
of sexuality and the intimate nature of marriage.
33.Parents who carry out their own right and
duty to form their children for chastity can
be certain that they are helping them in turn
to build stable and united families, thus anticipating,
insofar as this is possible, the joys of paradise:
"How can I ever express the happiness of
the marriage that is joined together by the
Church, strengthened by an offering, sealed
by a blessing, announced by angels and ratified
by the Father....They are both brethren and
both fellow servants; there is no separation
between them in spirit or flesh....Christ rejoices
in them and he sends them his peace; where the
couple is, there he is also to be found, and
where he is, evil can no longer abide."
Cf. Tertullian, Ad uxorem, II, VIII, 6-8: CCL
1, 393-394; cf. Familiaris Consortio, 13.
2. The Vocation to Virginity and Celibacy
34. Christian revelation presents the
two vocations to love: marriage and virginity.
In some societies today, not only marriage and
the family, but also vocations to the priesthood
and the religious life, are often in a state
of crisis. The two situations are inseparable:
"When marriage is not esteemed, neither
can consecrated virginity or celibacy exist;
when human sexuality is not regarded as a great
value given by the Creator, the renunciation
of it for the sake of the kingdom of heaven
loses its meaning." Familiaris Consortio,
16. A lack of vocations follows from the breakdown
of the family, yet where parents are generous
in welcoming life, children will be more likely
to be generous when it comes to the question
of offering themselves to God: "Families
must once again express a generous love for
life and place themselves at its service above
all by accepting the children which the Lord
wants to give them with a sense of responsibility
not detached from peaceful trust", and
they may bring this acceptance to fulfilment
not only "through a continuing educational
effort but also through an obligatory commitment,
at times perhaps neglected, to help teenagers
especially and young people to accept the vocational
dimension of every living being, within God's
plan....Human life acquires fullness when it
becomes a self-gift: a gift which can express
itself in matrimony, in consecrated virginity,
in self-dedication to one's neighbour towards
an ideal, or in the choice of priestly ministry.
Parents will truly serve the life of their children
if they help them make their own lives a gift,
respecting their mature choices and fostering
joyfully each vocation, including the religious
and priestly one." John Paul II, Address
to Participants in a Family Ministry Convention
sponsored by the Italian Episcopal Conference,
April 28, 1990, 3 and 4; L'Osservatore Romano,
English edition, May 7, 1990, p. 2.
When he deals with sexual education in Familiaris
Consortio, this is why Pope John Paul II affirms:
"Indeed Christian parents, discerning the
signs of God's call, will devote special attention
and care to education in virginity or celibacy
as the supreme form of that self-giving that
constitutes the very meaning of human sexuality."
Familiaris Consortio, 37.
Parents and Priestly and Religious Vocations
35. Parents should therefore rejoice
if they see in any of their children the signs
of God's call to the higher vocation of virginity
or celibacy for the love of the Kingdom of Heaven.
They should accordingly adapt formation for
chaste love to the needs of those children,
encouraging them on their own path up to the
time of entering the seminary or house of formation,
or until this specific call to self-giving with
an undivided heart matures. They must respect
and appreciate the freedom of each of their
children, encouraging their personal vocation
and without trying to impose a pre-determined
vocation on them.
The Second Vatican Council clearly set out
this distinct and honourable task of parents,
who are supported in their work by teachers
and priests: "Parents should nurture and
protect religious vocations in their children
by educating them in Christian virtues."
Vatican Council II, Decree on the Renewal of
the Religious Life, Perfectae Caritatis, 24.
"The duty of fostering vocations falls
on the whole Christian community....The greatest
contribution is made by families which are animated
by a spirit of faith, charity and piety and
which provide, as it were, a first seminary,
and by parishes in whose abundant life the young
people themselves take an active part."
Vatican Council II, Decree on the Training of
Priests, Optatum Totius, 2. "Parents, teachers
and all who are in any way concerned in the
education of boys and young men ought to train
them in such a way that they will know the solicitude
of the Lord for his flock and be alive to the
needs of the Church. In this way they will be
prepared when the Lord calls to answer generously
with the prophet: 'Here am I! send me' (Isaiah
6:8)." Vatican Council II, Decree on the
Ministry and Life of Priests, Presbyterorum
Ordinis, 11.
This necessary family context for maturing
religious and priestly vocations brings to mind
the serious situation of many families, especially
in certain countries, families with an impoverished
life because they have chosen to deprive themselves
of children or where they have only one child,
a situation in which it is very difficult for
vocations to arise and even difficult to develop
a full social education.
36. The truly Christian family will
also be able to communicate an understanding
of the value of celibacy to unmarried children
or those who are incapable of marriage for reasons
apart from their own will. If they are formed
well from childhood and during their youth,
they will be equipped to face their own situation
more easily. Likewise, they will be able to
discover the will of God in such a situation
and so find a sense of vocation and peace in
their own lives. Cf. Familiaris Consortio, 16.
These persons, especially if they have some
kind of physical disability, need to be shown
the great possibilities for self-realization
and spiritual fruitfulness which are open to
those who make a commitment to help their poorest
and most needy brothers and sisters, sustained
by faith and the love of God.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IV—Father And Mother As Educators
37. In granting married persons the
privilege and great responsibility of becoming
parents, God gives them the grace to carry out
their mission adequately. Moreover, in the task
of educating their children, parents are enlightened
by "two fundamental truths...: first, that
man is called to live in truth and love; and
second, that everyone finds fulfillment through
the sincere gift of self". Letter to Families,
Gratissimam Sane, 16. As spouses, parents and
ministers of the sacramental grace of marriage,
they are sustained from day to day by special
spiritual energies, received from Jesus Christ
who loves and nurtures his Bride, the Church.
As husband and wife who have become "one
flesh" through the bond of marriage, they
share the duty to educate their children through
willing collaboration nourished by vigorous
mutual dialogue that "has a new specific
source in the sacrament of marriage, which consecrates
them for the strictly Christian education of
their children: that is to say, it calls upon
them to share in the very authority and love
of God the Father and Christ the shepherd, and
in the motherly love of the Church, and it enriches
them with wisdom, counsel, fortitude and all
the other gifts of the Holy Spirit in order
to help the children in their growth as human
beings and as Christians". Familiaris Consortio,
38.
38. In the context of formation in chastity,
"fatherhood-motherhood" also includes
one parent who is left alone and adoptive parents.
The task of a single parent is certainly not
easy because the support of the other spouse
and the role and example of a parent of the
other sex is lacking. But God sustains single
parents with a special love and calls them to
take on this task with the same generosity and
sensitivity with which they love and care for
their children in other areas of family life.
39. Some other persons are called upon
in certain cases to take the place of parents:
those who take on the parental role in a permanent
way, for instance, for orphans or abandoned
children. They, too, have the task of educating
children and young people in an overall sense,
as well as in chastity, and they will receive
the grace of their state of life to do this
according to the same principles that guide
Christian parents.
40. Parents must never feel alone in
this task. The Church supports and encourages
them, confident that they can carry out this
function better than anyone else. She also encourages
those men or women who, often with great sacrifice,
give children without parents a form of parental
love and family life. In any case, all of them
must approach this duty in a spirit of prayer,
open and obedient to the moral truths of faith
and reason that integrate the teaching of the
Church, and always seeing children and young
people as persons, children of God and heirs
to the Kingdom of Heaven.
The Rights and Duties of Parents
41. Before going into the practical
details of young people's formation in chastity,
it is extremely important for parents to be
aware of their rights and duties, particularly
in the face of a State or a school that tends
to take up the initiative in the area of sex
education.
The Holy Father John Paul II reaffirms this
in Familiaris Consortio: "The right and
duty of parents to give education is essential,
since it is connected with the transmission
of human life; it is original and primary with
regard to the educational role of others, on
account of the uniqueness of the loving relationship
between parents and children; and it is irreplaceable
and inalienable, and therefore incapable of
being entirely delegated to others or usurped
by others", Familiaris Consortio, 36. except
in the case, as mentioned at the beginning,
of physical or psychological impossibility.
42. This doctrine is based on the teaching
of the Second Vatican Council, Cf. Gravissimum
Educationis, 3. and is also proclaimed by the
Charter of the Rights of the Family: "Since
they have conferred life on their children,
parents have the original, primary and inalienable
right to educate them; hence they ...have the
right to educate their children in conformity
with their moral and religious convictions,
taking into account the cultural traditions
of the family which favour the good and the
dignity of the child; they should also receive
from society the necessary aid and assistance
to perform their educational role properly."
Charter of the Rights of the Family, presented
by the Holy See, October 22, 1983, Article 5.
43. The Pope insists upon the fact that
this holds especially with regard to sexuality:
"Sex education, which is a basic right
and duty of parents, must always be carried
out under their attentive guidance, whether
at home or in educational centres chosen and
controlled by them. In this regard, the Church
reaffirms the law of subsidiarity, which the
school is bound to observe when it cooperates
in sex education, by entering into the same
spirit that animates the parents". Familiaris
Consortio, 37; see Charter of the Rights of
the Family, Article 5, c.
The Holy Father adds, "In view of the
close links between the sexual dimension of
the person and his or her ethical values, education
must bring the children to a knowledge of and
respect for the moral norms as the necessary
and highly valuable guarantee for responsible
personal growth in human sexuality". Familiaris
Consortio, 37. No one is capable of giving moral
education in this delicate area better than
duly prepared parents.
The Meaning of the Parents' Duty
44. This right also implies an educational
duty. If in fact parents do not give adequate
formation in chastity, they are failing in their
precise duty. Likewise, they would also be guilty
were they to tolerate immoral or inadequate
formation being given to their children outside
the home.
45. Today this task encounters a particular
difficulty with regard to the dissemination
of pornography, through the means of social
communication, instigated by commercial motives
and breaking down adolescent sensitivity. This
must call for two forms of concerned action
on the part of parents: preventive and critical
education with regard to their children, and
courageous denunciation to the appropriate authorities.
Parents, as individuals or in associations,
have the right and duty to promote the good
of their children and demand from the authorities
laws that prevent and eliminate the exploitation
of the sensitivity of children and adolescents.
From the viewpoint of children's education,
another delicate and complex problem, which
cannot be taken up sufficiently in this document,
is that of the transmission of AIDS, sexually
and through the use of drugs. The local Churches
are involved in many activities to help and
support persons with AIDS and for its prevention.
Particularly with regard to preventing AIDS,
the value of a well-ordered sexuality must be
promoted, based on the family. Moreover, it
is necessary to correct the opinion put about
by information campaigns based on so-called
"safe sex" and spreading protective
means (condoms). This position, in itself contrary
to morality, also turns out to be fallacious
and ends up increasing promiscuity and free
sexual activity through a false idea of safety.
Objective and scientifically rigorous studies
have shown the high percentage of the failure
of these means.
46. The Holy Father stresses this parental
task and outlines guidelines and the objective
in this regard: "Faced with a culture that
largely reduces human sexuality to the level
of something commonplace, since it interprets
and lives it in a reductive and impoverished
way by linking it solely with the body and with
selfish pleasure, the educational service of
parents must aim firmly at a training in the
area of sex that is truly and fully personal:
for sexuality is an enrichment of the whole
person—body, emotions and soul—and
it manifests its inmost meaning in leading the
person to the gift of self in love". Familiaris
Consortio, 37.
47. We cannot forget, however, that
we are dealing with a right and duty to educate
which, in the past, Christian parents carried
out or exercised little. Perhaps this was because
the problem was not as acute as it is today,
or because the parents' task was in part fulfilled
by the strength of prevailing social models
and the role played by the Church and the Catholic
school in this area. It is not easy for parents
to take on this educational commitment because
today it appears to be rather complex, and greater
than what the family could offer, also because,
in most cases, it is not possible to refer to
what one's own parents did in this regard.
Therefore, through this document, the Church
holds that it is her duty to give parents back
confidence in their own capabilities and help
them to carry out their task.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
V—Paths Of Formation Within The Family
48. The family environment is thus the
normal and usual place for forming children
and young people to consolidate and exercise
the virtues of charity, temperance, fortitude
and chastity. As the domestic church, the family
is the school of the richest humanity. Cf. Gaudium
et Spes, 52. This is particularly true for the
moral and spiritual education on such a delicate
matter as chastity. Physical, psychological
and spiritual aspects are involved in chastity,
as well as the first signs of freedom, the influence
of social models, natural modesty and strong
tendencies inherent in a human being's bodily
nature. All of these aspects are connected to
an awareness, albeit implicit, of the dignity
of the human person, called to collaborate with
God and, at the same time, marked by fragility.
In a Christian home, parents have the strength
to lead their children to a real Christian maturation
of their personalities, according to the measure
of Christ, in his Mystical Body, the Church.
Cf. Familiaris Consortio, 39, 51-54.
While the family is rich in these strengths,
it also needs the support of the State and society,
according to the principle of subsidiarity:
"It can happen...that when a family does
decide to live up fully to its vocation, it
finds itself without the necessary support from
the State and without sufficient resources.
It is urgent therefore to promote not only family
policies, but also those social policies which
have the family as their principle object, policies
which assist the family by providing adequate
resources and efficient means of support, both
for bringing up children and for looking after
the elderly..." John Paul II, Encyclical
Letter Centesimus Annus, May 1, 1991, 49; AAS
83 (1991), p. 855.
49. Aware of this and of the real difficulties
that exist for young people in many countries
today, especially when social and moral deterioration
is present, parents are urged to dare to ask
for more and to propose more. They cannot be
satisfied with avoiding the worst—that
their children do not take drugs or commit crimes.
They will have to be committed to educating
them in the true values of the person, renewed
by the virtues of faith, hope and love: the
values of freedom, responsibility, fatherhood
and motherhood, service, professional work,
solidarity, honesty, art, sport, the joy of
knowing they are children of God, hence brothers
and sisters of all human beings, etc.
The Essential Value of the Home
50. In their most recent findings, the
psychological and pedagogical sciences come
together with human experience in emphasizing
the decisive importance of the affective atmosphere
that reigns in the family for a harmonious and
valid sexual education, especially during the
first years of infancy and childhood, and perhaps
also during the prenatal stage, because children's
deep emotional patterns are established in these
phases. The importance of the couple's balance,
acceptance and understanding is stressed. Furthermore,
emphasis is placed on the value of a serene
relationship between husband and wife, on the
value of their positive presence (both father
and mother) during these important years for
the processes of identification, and on the
value of a relationship of reassuring affection
toward their children.
51. Certain serious privations or imbalances
between parents (for example, one or both parents'
absence from family life, a lack of interest
in the children's education or excessive severity)
are factors that can cause emotional and affective
disturbances in children. These factors can
seriously upset their adolescence and sometimes
mark them for life. Parents must find time to
be with their children and take time to talk
with them. As a gift and a commitment, children
are their most important task, although seemingly
not always a very profitable one. Children are
more important than work, entertainment and
social position. In these conversations—more
and more as the years pass—parents should
learn how to listen carefully to their children,
how to make the effort to understand them and
how to recognize the fragment of truth that
may be present in some forms of rebellion. At
the same time, parents will have to be able
to help their children to channel their anxieties
and aspirations correctly, and teach them to
reflect on the reality of things and how to
reason. This does not mean imposing a certain
line of behaviour, but rather showing both the
supernatural and human motives that recommend
such behaviour. Parents will succeed better
if they are able to dedicate time to their children
and really place themselves at their level with
love.
Formation in the Community of Life and Love
52. The Christian family is capable
of offering an atmosphere permeated with that
love for God that makes an authentic reciprocal
gift possible. Cf. Familiaris Consortio, 18,
63-64. Children who have this experience are
better disposed to live according to those moral
truths that they see practiced in their parents'
life. They will have confidence in them and
will learn about the love that overcomes fears—and
nothing moves us to love more than knowing that
we are loved. In this way, the bond of mutual
love, to which parents bear witness before their
children, will safeguard their affective serenity.
This bond will refine the intellect, the will
and the emotions by rejecting everything that
could degrade or devalue the gift of human sexuality.
In a family where love reigns, this gift is
always understood as part of the call to self-giving
in love for God and for others. "The family
is the first and fundamental school of social
living: as a community of love, it finds in
self-giving the law that guides it and makes
it grow. The self-giving that inspires the love
of husband and wife for each other is the model
and norm for the self-giving that must be practised
in the relationships between brothers and sisters
and the different generations living together
in the family. And the communion and sharing
that are part of everyday life in the home at
times of joy and at times of difficulty are
the most concrete and effective pedagogy for
the active, responsible and fruitful inclusion
of the children in the wider horizon of society."
Familiaris Consortio, 37.
53. Basically, education for authentic
love, authentic only if it becomes kind, well-disposed
love, involves accepting the person who is loved
and considering his or her good as one's own;
hence this implies educating in right relationships
with others. Children, adolescents and young
people should be taught how to enter into healthy
relationships with God, with their parents,
their brothers and sisters, with their companions
of the same or the opposite sex, and with adults.
54. It must also not be forgotten that
education in love is an overall reality. There
will be no progress in setting up proper relationships
with one person if at the same time there are
no proper relationships with other people. As
we have already mentioned, education in chastity,
as education in love, is at the same time education
of one's spirit, one's sensitivity, and one's
feelings. The attitude toward other persons
depends largely on the way spontaneous feelings
toward them are handled, the way some feelings
are cultivated and others are controlled. Chastity
as a virtue is never reduced to merely being
able to perform acts conformed to a norm of
external behaviour. Chastity requires activating
and developing the dynamisms of nature and grace
which make up the principal and immanent element
of our discovery of God's law as a guarantee
of growth and freedom. Cf. St. Thomas Aquinas,
Summa Theologiae, I-II, q. 106, a. 1.
55. Therefore, it must be stressed that
education for chastity is inseparable from efforts
to cultivate all the other virtues and, in a
particular way, Christian love, characterized
by respect, altruism and service, which after
all is called charity. Sexuality is such an
important good that it must be protected by
following the order of reason enlightened by
faith: "The greater a good, the more the
order of reason must be observed in it".
Ibid., II-II, q. 153, a. 3. From this it follows
that in order to educate in chastity, "self-control
is necessary, which presupposes such virtues
as modesty, temperance, respect for self and
for others, openness to one's neighbour".
Educational Guidance in Human Love, 35.
Also of importance are what Christian tradition
has called the younger sisters of chastity (modesty,
an attitude of sacrifice with regard to one's
whims), nourished by the faith and a life of
prayer.
Decency and Modesty
56.The practice of decency and modesty
in speech, action and dress is very important
for creating an atmosphere suitable for the
growth of chastity, but this must be well motivated
by respect for one's own body and the dignity
of others. Parents, as we have said, should
be watchful so that certain immoral fashions
and attitudes do not violate the integrity of
the home, especially through misuse of the mass
media. Cf. Familiaris Consortio, 76; cf. also
Educational Guidance in Human Love, 68; cf.
Pontifical Council for Social Communications,
Pornography and Violence in the Communications
Media: a Pastoral Response, May 7, 1989; L'Osservatore
Romano, English edition, June 5, 1989, pp. 10-11.
In this regard, the Holy Father stressed the
need "to promote closer collaboration between
parents, who have primary responsibility for
education, those in charge of the mass media
at various levels and the public authorities,
so that families are not left without guidance
in such an important sector of their educational
mission....In fact the presentations, content
and programmes of healthy entertainment, information
and education to complement that of the family
and the school must be recognized. Unfortunately
this does not change the fact that in some countries
especially there are many shows and publications
abounding in all sorts of violence with a kind
of bombardment of messages that undermine moral
principles and make it impossible to achieve
a serious climate in which values worthy of
the human person may be transmitted". John
Paul II, Address to the participants in a meeting
organized by the Pontifical Council for the
Family and the Pontifical Council for Social
Communications on "The Rights of the Family
and the Means of Social Communication",
June 4, 1993, 3 and 4; L'Osservatore Romano,
English edition, July 14, 1993, p. 10.
In particular, with regard to use of television,
the Holy Father specified: "The life-style—especially
in the more industrialised nations—all
too often causes families to abandon their responsibility
to educate their children. Evasion of this duty
is made easy by the presence of television and
of printed materials in the home. These occupy
the time for children and young people. No one
can deny the justification for this when the
means are lacking, to develop and use to advantage
the free time of the young and to direct their
energies". John Paul II, Message for the
Fifteenth Communications Day, May 10, 1981,
5; L'Osservatore Romano, English edition, May
25, 1981, p. 7. Another circumstance that facilitates
this is the fact that both parents are busy
with their work, in and outside the home. "The
result is that these young people are in most
need of help in developing their responsible
freedom. There is the duty—especially for
believers, for men and women who love freedom,
to protect the young from the aggressions they
are subjected to by the media. May no one shirk
from this duty by using the excuse that he or
she is not involved." Ibid.. "Parents
as recipients must actively ensure the moderate,
critical, watchful and prudent use of the media".
Familiaris Consortio, 76.
Legitimate Privacy
57. Respect for privacy must be considered
in close connection with decency and modesty,
which spontaneously defend a person who refuses
to be considered and treated like an object
of pleasure instead of being respected and loved
for himself or herself. If children or young
people see that their legitimate privacy is
respected, then they will know that they are
expected to show the same attitude towards others.
This is how they learn to cultivate the proper
sense of responsibility before God by developing
their interior life and a taste for personal
freedom, that makes them capable of loving God
and others better.
Self-Control
58. All of this reminds us more generally of
self-control, a necessary condition for being
capable of self-giving. Children and young people
should be encouraged to have esteem for, and
to practise self-control and restraint, to live
in an orderly way, to make personal sacrifices
in a spirit of love for God, self-respect, and
generosity towards others, without stifling
feelings and tendencies, but channeling them
into a virtuous life.
Parents as Models for Their Children
59.The good example and leadership of parents
is essential in strengthening the formation
of young people in chastity. A mother who values
her maternal vocation and her place in the home
greatly helps develop the qualities of femininity
and motherhood in her daughters, and sets a
clear, strong and noble example of womanhood
for her sons. Cf. Mulieris Dignitatem, 18-19.
A father, whose behaviour is inspired by masculine
dignity without "machismo", will be
an attractive model for his sons, and inspire
respect, admiration and security in his daughters.
Cf. Familiaris Consortio, 25.
60. This is also true for education
in a spirit of sacrifice in families, subject
more than ever today to the pressures of materialism
and consumerism. Only in this way will children
grow up "with a correct attitude of freedom
with regard to material goods, by adopting a
simple and austere life style and being fully
convinced that 'man is more precious for what
he is than for what he has'. In a society shaken
and split by tensions and conflicts caused by
the violent clash of various kinds of individualism
and selfishness, children must be enriched not
only with a sense of true justice, which alone
leads to respect for the personal dignity of
each individual, but also and more powerfully
by a sense of true love, understood as sincere
solicitude and disinterested service with regard
to others, especially the poorest and those
in most need". Ibid., 37; cf. also 47-48.
"This education is fully a part of the
'civilization of love'. It depends on the civilization
of love and, in great measure, contributes to
its up-building". Letter to Families, Gratissimam
Sane, 16.
A Sanctuary of Life and Faith
61. No one can deny that the first example
and the greatest help that parents can give
their children is their generosity in accepting
life, without forgetting that this is how parents
help their children to have a simpler lifestyle.
Moreover, "...it is certainly less serious
to deny their children certain comforts or material
advantages than to deprive them of the presence
of brothers and sisters, who could help them
to grow in humanity and to realize the beauty
of life at all its ages and in all its variety."
John Paul II, Homily at Capitol Mall, Washington,
D.C., U.S.A., October 7, 1979, 5 ; L'Osservatore
Romano, English edition, November 5, 1979, p.
7.
62. Lastly, we recall that in order
to achieve these objectives, the family first
of all should be a home of faith and prayer,
in which God the Father's presence is sensed,
the Word of Jesus is accepted, the Spirit's
bond of love is felt, and where the most pure
Mother of God is loved and invoked. Cf. Familiaris
Consortio, 59-61; Congregation for the Doctrine
of the Faith, Declaration on Certain Questions
Concerning Sexual Ethics, Persona Humana, December
29, 1975, 11-12; L'Osservatore Romano, English
edition, January 22, 1976, p. 5. This life of
faith and "Family prayer has for its very
own object family life itself, which in all
its varying circumstances is seen as a call
from God and lived as a filial response to his
call. Joys and sorrows, hopes and disappointments,
births and birthday celebrations, wedding anniversaries
of the parents, departures, separations and
home-comings, important and far-reaching decisions,
the death of those who are dear, etc.—all
of these mark God's loving intervention in the
family's history. They should be seen as suitable
moments for thanksgiving, for petition, for
trusting abandonment of the family into the
hands of their common Father in heaven".
Familiaris Consortio, 59.
63. In this atmosphere of prayer and
awareness of the presence and fatherhood of
God, the truths of faith and morals should be
taught, understood and deeply studied with reverence,
and the Word of God should be read and lived
with love. In this way Christ's truth will build
up a family community based on the example and
guidance of parents who "penetrate the
innermost depths of their children's hearts
and leave an impression that the future events
in their lives will not be able to efface".
Ibid., 60.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
VI—Learning Stages
64. Parents in particular have the duty
to let their children know about the mysteries
of human life, because the family "is,
in fact, the best environment to accomplish
the obligation of securing a gradual education
in sexual life. The family has an affective
dignity which is suited to making acceptable
without trauma the most delicate realities and
to integrating them harmoniously in a balanced
and rich personality". Educational Guidance
in Human Love, 48. As we have recalled, this
primary task of the family includes the parents'
right that their children should not be obliged
to attend courses in school on this subject
which are not in harmony with their religious
and moral convictions. Cf. Charter of the Rights
of the Family, Article 5,c. The school's task
is not to substitute for the family, rather
it is "assisting and completing the work
of parents, furnishing children and adolescents
with an evaluation of sexuality as value and
task of the whole person, created male and female
in the image of God". Educational Guidance
in Human Love, 69.
In this regard, we recall what the Holy Father
teaches in Familiaris consortio: "The Church
is firmly opposed to an often widespread form
of imparting sex information dissociated from
moral principles. That would merely be an introduction
to the experience of pleasure and a stimulus
leading to the loss of serenity—while still
in the years of innocence—by opening the
way to vice". Familiaris Consortio, 37.
Therefore, four general principles will be
proposed and afterwards the various stages in
a child's development will be examined.
Four Principles Regarding Information about
Sexuality
65. Each child is a unique and unrepeatable
person and must receive individualized formation.
Since parents know, understand and love each
of their children in their uniqueness, they
are in the best position to decide what the
appropriate time is for providing a variety
of information, according to their children's
physical and spiritual growth. No one can take
this capacity for discernment away from conscientious
parents. Cf. Ibid., 37.
66. Each child's process of maturation
as a person is different. Therefore, the most
intimate aspects, whether biological or emotional,
should be communicated in a personalized dialogue.
Cf. Educational Guidance in Human Love, 58.
In their dialogue with each child, with love
and trust, parents communicate something about
their own self-giving which makes them capable
of giving witness to aspects of the emotional
dimension of sexuality that could not be transmitted
in other ways.
67. Experience shows that this dialogue
works out better when the parent who communicates
the biological, emotional, moral and spiritual
information is of the same sex as the child
or young person. Being aware of the role, emotions
and problems of their own sex, mothers have
a special bond with their daughters, and fathers
with their sons. This natural bond should be
respected. Therefore, parents who are alone
will have to act with great sensitivity when
speaking with a child of the opposite sex, and
they may choose to entrust communicating the
most intimate details to a trustworthy person
of the same sex as the child. Through this collaboration
of a subsidiary nature, parents can take advantage
of expert, well-formed educators in the school
or parish community, or from Catholic associations.
68. The moral dimension must always
be part of their explanations. Parents should
stress that Christians are called to live the
gift of sexuality according to the plan of God
who is Love, i.e., in the context of marriage
or of consecrated virginity and also celibacy.
Cf. Familiaris Consortio, 16. They must insist
on the positive value of chastity and its capacity
to generate true love for other persons. This
is the most radical and important moral aspect
of chastity. Only a person who knows how to
be chaste will know how to love in marriage
or in virginity.
69. From the earliest age, parents may
observe the beginning of instinctive genital
activity in their child. It should not be considered
repressive to correct such habits gently that
could become sinful later, and, when necessary,
to teach modesty as the child grows. It is always
important to justify the judgement of morally
rejecting certain attitudes contrary to the
dignity of the person and chastity on adequate,
valid and convincing grounds, both at the level
of reason and faith, hence in a positive framework
with a high concept of personal dignity. Many
parental admonitions are merely reproofs or
recommendations which the children perceive
more as the result of fear of certain social
consequences, or related to one's public reputation,
rather than arising out of a love that seeks
their true good. "I exhort you to correct,
with the greatest commitment, the vices and
passions that assail us in every age. For if
in some stage of our life we sail on, deprecating
the values of virtue and thereby suffer continuous
shipwreck, we risk arriving in port devoid of
all spiritual charge". St. John Chrysostom,
Homiliae in Matthaeum, 81, 5: PG 58, 737.
70. Formation in chastity and timely
information regarding sexuality must be provided
in the broadest context of education for love.
It is not sufficient, therefore, to provide
information about sex together with objective
moral principles. Constant help is also required
for the growth of children's spiritual life,
so that the biological development and impulses
they begin to experience will always be accompanied
by a growing love of God, the Creator and Redeemer,
and an ever greater awareness of the dignity
of each human person and his or her body. In
the light of the mystery of Christ and the Church,
parents can illustrate the positive values of
human sexuality in the context of the person's
original vocation to love and the universal
call to holiness.
71. Therefore, in talks with children,
suitable advice should always be given regarding
how to grow in the love of God and one's neighbour,
and how to overcome any difficulties: "These
means are: discipline of the senses and the
mind, watchfulness and prudence in avoiding
occasions of sin, the observance of modesty,
moderation in recreation, wholesome pursuits,
assiduous prayer and frequent reception of the
Sacraments of Penance and the Eucharist. Young
people especially should foster devotion to
the Immaculate Mother of God". Persona
Humana, 12.
72. To teach children how to evaluate
the environments they frequent with a critical
sense and true autonomy, as well as to accustom
them to detachment in using the mass media,
parents should always present positive models
and suitable ways of using their vital energies,
the meaning of friendship and solidarity in
the overall area of society and of the Church.
When deviant tendencies and attitudes are present,
which require great prudence and caution so
as to recognize and evaluate situations properly,
parents should also have recourse to specialists
with solid scientific and moral formation in
order to identify the causes over and above
the symptoms, and help the subjects to overcome
difficulties in a serious and clear way. Pedagogic
action should be directed more to the causes
rather than to directly repressing the phenomenon,
Cf. Ibid., 9; Educational Guidance in Human
Love, 99. and, if necessary, they should seek
the help of qualified persons, such as doctors,
educational experts and psychologists with an
upright Christian sensitivity.
73. The objective of the parents' educational
task is to pass on to their children the conviction
that chastity in one's state in life is possible
and that chastity brings joy. Joy springs from
an awareness of maturation and harmony in one's
emotional life, a gift of God and a gift of
love that makes self-giving possible in the
framework of one's vocation. Man is in fact
the only creature on earth whom God wanted for
its own sake, and "man can fully discover
his true self only in a sincere giving of himself".
Gaudium et Spes, 24. "Christ gave laws
for everyone...I do not prohibit you from marrying,
nor am I against your enjoying yourself. I only
want you to do this with temperance, without
indecency, guilt and sin. I do not make a law
that you should flee to the mountains and deserts,
rather that you should be good, modest and chaste,
as you live in the midst of the cities".
St. John Chrysostom, Homiliae in Matthaeum,
7,7: PG 57, 80-81.
74. God's help is never lacking if each
person makes the necessary commitment to respond
to his grace. In helping, forming and respecting
their children's conscience, parents should
see that they receive the sacraments with awareness,
guiding them by their own example. If children
and young people experience the effects of God's
grace and mercy in the sacraments, they will
be capable of living chastity well, as a gift
of God, for his glory and in order to love him
and other people. Necessary and supernaturally
effective help is provided by the Sacrament
of Reconciliation, especially if a regular confessor
is available. Although it does not necessarily
coincide with the role of confessor, spiritual
guidance or direction is a valuable aid in progressively
enlightening the stages of growth and as moral
support.
Reading well-chosen and recommended books of
formation is also of great help both in offering
a wider and deeper formation and in providing
examples and testimonies of virtue.
75. Once the objectives of the information
to be provided have been identified, the time
and ways must be specified, starting from childhood.
Parents should provide this information with
great delicacy, but clearly and at the appropriate
time. Parents are well aware that their children
must be treated in a personalized way, according
to the personal conditions of their physiological
and psychological development, and taking into
due consideration the cultural environment of
life and the adolescent's daily experience.
In order to evaluate properly what they should
say to each child, it is very important that
parents first of all seek light from the Lord
in prayer and that they discuss this together
so that their words will be neither too explicit
nor too vague. Giving too many details to children
is counterproductive. But delaying the first
information for too long is imprudent, because
every human person has natural curiosity in
this regard and, sooner or later, everyone begins
to ask themselves questions, especially in cultures
where too much can be seen, even in public.
76. In general, the first sexual information
to be given to a small child does not deal with
genital sexuality, but rather with pregnancy
and the birth of a brother or sister. The child's
natural curiosity is stimulated, for example,
when it sees the signs of pregnancy in its mother
and experiences waiting for a baby. Parents
can take advantage of this happy experience
in order to communicate some simple facts about
pregnancy, but always in the deepest context
of wonder at the creative work of God, who wants
the new life he has given to be cared for in
the mother's body, near her heart.
Children's Principal Stages of Development
77. It is important for parents to take
their children's needs into consideration during
the different stages of development. Keeping
in mind that each child should receive individualized
formation, parents can adapt the stages of education
in love to the particular requirements of each
child.
1.The Years of Innocence
78. It can be said that a child is in
the stage described in John Paul II's words
as "the years of innocence" Familiaris
Consortio, 37. from about five years of age
until puberty—the beginning of which can
be set at the first signs of changes in the
boy or girl's body (the visible effect of an
increased production of sexual hormones). This
period of tranquility and serenity must never
be disturbed by unnecessary information about
sex. During those years, before any physical
sexual development is evident, it is normal
for the child's interests to turn to other aspects
of life. The rudimentary instinctive sexuality
of very small children has disappeared. Boys
and girls of this age are not particularly interested
in sexual problems, and they prefer to associate
with children of their own sex. So as not to
disturb this important natural phase of growth,
parents will recognize that prudent formation
in chaste love during this period should be
indirect, in preparation for puberty, when direct
information will be necessary.
79. During this stage of development,
children are normally at ease with their body
and its functions. They accept the need for
modesty in dress and behaviour. Although they
are aware of the physical differences between
the two sexes, the growing child generally shows
little interest in genital functions. The discovery
of the wonders of creation which accompanies
this phase and the experiences in this regard
at home and in school should also be oriented
towards the stages of catechesis and preparation
for the sacraments which takes place within
the ecclesial community.
80. Nonetheless, this period of childhood
is not without its own significance in terms
of psycho-sexual development. A growing boy
or girl is learning from adult example and family
experience what it means to be a woman or a
man. Certainly, expressions of natural tenderness
and sensitivity should not be discouraged among
boys, nor should girls be excluded from vigorous
physical activities. On the other hand, in some
societies subjected to ideological pressures,
parents should also protect themselves from
an exaggerated opposition to what is defined
as a "stereotyping of roles". The
real differences between the two sexes should
not be ignored or minimized, and in a healthy
family environment children will learn that
it is natural for a certain difference to exist
between the usual family and domestic roles
of men and women.
81. During this stage, girls will generally
be developing a maternal interest in babies,
motherhood and homemaking. By constantly taking
the Motherhood of the most holy Virgin Mary
as a model, they should be encouraged to value
their femininity.
82. In this period, a boy is at a relatively
tranquil stage of development. This is often
the easiest time for him to set up a good relationship
with his father. At this time, he should learn
that, although it must be considered as a divine
gift, his masculinity is not a sign of superiority
with regard to women, but a call from God to
take on certain roles and responsibilities.
Boys should be discouraged from becoming overly
aggressive or too concerned about physical prowess
as proof of their virility.
83. Nonetheless, in the context of moral
and sexual information, various problems can
arise in this stage of childhood. In some societies
today, there are planned and determined attempts
to impose premature sex information on children.
But, at this stage of development, children
are still not capable of fully understanding
the value of the affective dimension of sexuality.
They cannot understand and control sexual imagery
within the proper context of moral principles
and, for this reason, they cannot integrate
premature sexual information with moral responsibility.
Such information tends to shatter their emotional
and educational development and to disturb the
natural serenity of this period of life. Parents
should politely but firmly exclude any attempts
to violate children's innocence because such
attempts compromise the spiritual, moral and
emotional development of growing persons who
have a right to their innocence.
84. A further problem arises when children
receive premature sex information from the mass
media or from their peers who have been led
astray or received premature sex education.
In this case, parents will have to begin to
give carefully limited sexual information, usually
to correct immoral and erroneous information
or to control obscene language.
85. Sexual violence with regard to children
is not infrequent. Parents must protect their
children, first by teaching them a form of modesty
and reserve with regard to strangers, as well
as by giving suitable sexual information, but
without going into details and particulars that
might upset or frighten them.
86. As in the first years of life also
during childhood, parents should encourage a
spirit of collaboration, obedience, generosity
and self-denial in their children, as well as
a capacity for self-reflection and sublimation.
In fact, a characteristic of this period of
development is an attraction toward intellectual
activities. Using the intellect makes it possible
to acquire the strength and ability to control
the surrounding situation and, before long,
to control bodily instincts, so as to transform
them into intellectual and rational activities.
An undisciplined or spoilt child is inclined
toward a certain immaturity and moral weakness
in future years because chastity is difficult
to maintain if a person develops selfish or
disordered habits and cannot behave with proper
concern and respect for others. Parents should
present objective standards of what is right
and wrong, thereby creating a sure moral framework
for life.
2. Puberty
87. Puberty, which constitutes the initial
phase of adolescence, is a time in which parents
are called to be particularly attentive to the
Christian education of their children. This
is a time of self-discovery and "of one's
own inner world, the time of generous plans,
the time when the feeling of love awakens, with
the biological impulses of sexuality, the time
of the desire to be together, the time of particularly
intense joy connected with the exhilarating
discovery of life. But often it is also the
age of deeper questioning, of anguished or even
frustrating searching, of a certain mistrust
of others and dangerous introspection, and the
age sometimes of the first experiences of setbacks
and of disappointments". John Paul II,
Apostolic Exhortation Catechesi Tradendae, October
16, 1979, 38; AAS 71 (1979), p. 1309.
88. Parents should pay particular attention
to their children's gradual development and
to their physical and psychological changes,
which are decisive in the maturing of the personality.
Without showing anxiety, fear or obsessive concern,
parents will not let cowardice or convenience
hinder their work. This is naturally an important
moment in teaching the value of chastity, which
will also be expressed in the way sexual information
is given. In this phase, educational needs also
concern the genital aspects, hence requiring
a presentation both on the level of values and
the reality as a whole. Moreover, this implies
an understanding of the context of procreation,
marriage and the family, a context which must
be kept present in an authentic task of sexual
education. This positive attitude is deeply
rooted in many cultures and puberty is celebrated
with "rites of passage" or forms of
initiation into adult life. Under the careful
guidance of the Church, Catholics can take on
what is good and authentic in these customs,
purifying them from what may be inadequate or
immoral.
89. Beginning with the changes which
their sons and daughters experience in their
bodies, parents are thus bound to give more
detailed explanations about sexuality (in an
on-going relationship of trust and friendship)
each time girls confide in their mothers and
boys in their fathers. This relationship of
trust and friendship should have already started
in the first years of life.
90. Another important task for parents
is following the gradual physiological development
of their daughters and helping them joyfully
to accept the development of their femininity
in a bodily, psychological and spiritual sense.
Cf. Mulieris Dignitatem, 17 ff. Therefore, normally,
one should discuss the cycles of fertility and
their meaning. But it is still not necessary
to give detailed explanations about sexual union,
unless this is explicitly requested.
91. It is very important for adolescent
boys to be helped to understand the stages of
physical and physiological development of the
genital organs before they get this information
from their companions or from persons who are
not well-intentioned. The physiological facts
about male puberty should be presented in an
atmosphere of serenity, positively and with
reserve, in the framework of marriage, family
and fatherhood. Instructing both adolescent
girls and boys should also include detailed
and sufficient information about the bodily
and psychological characteristics of the opposite
sex, about whom their curiosity is growing.
In this area, the additional supportive information
of a conscientious doctor or even a psychologist
can help parents, without separating this information
from what pertains to the faith and the educational
work of the priest.
92. Through a trusting and open dialogue,
parents can guide their daughters in facing
any emotional perplexity, and support the value
of Christian chastity out of consideration for
the other sex. Instruction for both girls and
boys should aim at pointing out the beauty of
motherhood and the wonderful reality of procreation,
as well as the deep meaning of virginity. In
this way they will be helped to go against the
hedonistic mentality which is very widespread
today and particularly, at such a decisive stage,
in preventing the "contraceptive mentality",
which unfortunately is very common and which
girls will have to face later in marriage.
93. During puberty, the psychological
and emotional development of boys can make them
vulnerable to erotic fantasies and they may
be tempted to try sexual experiences. Parents
should be close to their sons and correct the
tendency to use sexuality in a hedonistic and
materialistic way. Therefore, they should remind
boys about God's gift, received in order to
cooperate with him "to actualize in history
the original blessing of the Creator that of
transmitting by procreation the divine image
from person to person..."; and this will
strengthen their awareness that, "Fecundity
is the fruit and the sign of conjugal love,
the living testimony of the full reciprocal
self-giving of the spouses". Familiaris
Consortio, 28; cf. also Gaudium et Spes, 50.
In this way sons will also learn the respect
due to women. The parents' task of informing
and instructing is necessary, not because their
sons would not know about sexual reality in
other ways, but so that they will know about
it in the right light.
94. In a positive and prudent way, parents
will carry out what the Fathers of the Second
Vatican Council requested: "It is important
to give suitable and timely instruction to young
people, above all in the heart of their own
families, about the dignity of married love,
its role and its exercise; in this way they
will be able to engage in honourable courtship
and enter upon marriage of their own".
Gaudium et Spes, 49.
Positive information about sexuality should
always be part of a formation plan so as to
create the Christian context in which all information
about life, sexual activity, anatomy and hygiene
is given. Therefore, the spiritual and moral
dimensions must always be predominant so as
to have two special purposes: presenting God's
commandments as a way of life and the formation
of a right conscience.
To the young man who asked him what he had
to do in order to attain eternal life, Jesus
replied: "If you would enter life, keep
the commandments" (Matthew 19:17). After
listing the ones that concern love for one's
neighbour, Jesus summed them up in this positive
formulation: "You shall love your neighbour
as yourself" (Matthew 19:19). In order
to present the commandments as God's gift (written
by his hand, cf. Exodus 31: 18), expressing
the Covenant with him, confirmed by Jesus' own
example, it is very important for the adolescent
not to separate the commandments from their
relationship with a rich interior life, free
from selfishness. Cf. Catechism of the Catholic
Church, 2052 ff.
95. As its departure point, the formation
of conscience requires being enlightened about:
God's project of love for every single person,
the positive and liberating value of the moral
law, and awareness both of the weakness caused
by sin and the means of grace which strengthen
us on our path towards the good and towards
salvation.
"Moral conscience, present at the heart
of the person" which is "man's most
secret core and sanctuary", as the Second
Vatican Council affirms, Gaudium et Spes, 16.
"enjoins him at the appropriate moment
to do good and to avoid evil. It also judges
particular choices, approving those that are
good and denouncing those that are evil. It
bears witness to the authority of truth in reference
to the supreme Good to which the human person
is drawn, and it welcomes the commandments".
Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1777.
In fact, "conscience is a judgement of
reason whereby the human person recognizes the
moral quality of a concrete act that he is going
to perform, is in the process of performing,
or has already completed". Ibid., 1778.
Therefore, the formation of conscience requires
being enlightened about the truth and God's
plan and must not be confused with a vague subjective
feeling or with personal opinion.
96. In answering children's questions,
parents should offer well-reasoned arguments
about the great value of chastity and show the
intellectual and human weakness of theories
that inspire permissive and hedonistic behaviour.
They will answer clearly, without giving excessive
importance to pathological sexual problems.
Nor will they give the false impression that
sex is something shameful or dirty, because
it is a great gift of God who placed the ability
to generate life in the human body, thereby
sharing his creative power with us. Indeed,
both in the Scriptures (cf. Song of Songs 1-8;
Hosea 2; Jeremiah 3: 1-3; Ezekiel 23, etc.)
and in the Christian mystical tradition, Cf.
St. Teresa of Avila, Poems, 5-9; St. John of
the Cross, Poems, 10. conjugal love has always
been considered a symbol and image of God's
love for us.
97. Since boys and girls at puberty
are particularly vulnerable to emotional influences,
through dialogue and the way they live, parents
have the duty to help their children resist
negative outside influences that may lead them
to have little regard for Christian formation
in love and chastity. Especially in societies
overwhelmed by consumer pressures, parents should
sometimes watch out for their children's relations
with young people of the opposite sex—without
making it too obvious. Even if they are socially
acceptable, some habits of speech and conduct
are not morally correct and represent a way
of trivializing sexuality, reducing it to a
consumer object. Parents should therefore teach
their children the value of Christian modesty,
moderate dress, and, when it comes to trends,
the necessary autonomy characteristic of a man
or woman with a mature personality. Cf. Educational
Guidance in Human Love, 90.
3. Adolescence in One's Plan in Life
98. In terms of personal development,
adolescence represents the period of self-projection
and therefore the discovery of one's vocation.
Both for physiological, social and cultural
reasons, this period tends to be longer today
than in the past. Christian parents should "educate
the children for life in such a way that each
one may fully perform his or her role according
to the vocation received from God". Familiaris
Consortio, 53. This is an extremely important
task which basically constitutes the culmination
of the parents' mission. Although this task
is always important, it becomes especially so
in this period of their children's life: "Therefore,
in the life of each member of the lay faithful
there are particularly significant and decisive
moments for discerning God's call...Among these
are the periods of adolescence and young adulthood".
Christifideles Laici, 58.
99. It is very important for young people
not to find themselves alone in discerning their
personal vocation. Parental advice is relevant,
at times decisive, as well as the support of
a priest or other properly formed persons (in
parishes, associations or in the new fruitful
ecclesial movements, etc.) who are capable of
helping them discover the vocational meaning
of life and the various forms of the universal
call to holiness. "Christ's 'Follow me'
makes itself heard on the different paths taken
by the disciples and confessors of the divine
Redeemer". John Paul II, Apostolic Letter
to the Young People of the World, Parati Semper,
March 31, 1985, L'Osservatore Romano, April
1, 1985, p. 1, 9.
100. For centuries, the concept of vocation
was reserved exclusively for the priesthood
and religious life. In recalling the Lord's
teaching, "You, therefore, must be perfect,
as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matthew
5:48), the Second Vatican Council renewed the
universal call to holiness. Cf. Lumen Gentium,
Chapter V. As Pope Paul VI wrote shortly after
the Council: "This strong invitation to
holiness could be regarded as the most characteristic
element in the whole Magisterium of the Council,
and so to say, its ultimate purpose." Paul
VI, Motu Proprio, Sanctitatis Clarior, March
19, 1969; AAS
61 (1969), p. 149. This was reiterated by Pope
John Paul II: "The Second Vatican Council
has significantly spoken on the universal call
to holiness. It is possible to say that this
call to holiness is precisely the basic charge
entrusted to all the sons and daughters of the
Church by a Council which intended to bring
a renewal of Christian life based on the gospel.
See, in particular, Lumen Gentium, Chapter V,
39-42, which deals with the universal call to
holiness in the Church. This charge is not a
simple moral exhortation, but an undeniable
requirement arising from the mystery of the
Church". Christifideles Laici, 16.
God calls everyone to holiness. He has very
precise plans for each person, a personal vocation
which each must recognize, accept and develop.
To all Christians -priests, laity, married people
or celibates—the words of the Apostle of
the Nations apply: "God's chosen ones,
holy and beloved" (Colossians 3: 12).
101. Therefore, in catechesis and the
formation given both within and outside of the
family, the Church's teaching on the sublime
value of virginity and celibacy must never be
lacking, Cf. Tertullian, De Exhortatione Castitatis,
10: CChL 2, 1029-1030; St. Cyprian, De Habitu
Virginum, 3 and 22: CSEL 3/1, 189, 202-203;
St. Athanasius, De Virginitate: PG 28, 252-281;
St. John Chrysostom, De Virginitate: SCh 125;
Pius XII, Apostolic Exhortation, Menti Nostrae,
September 23, 1950; AAS 42 (1950), p. 682; John
XXIII, Address to the participants in the First
International Congress on "The Vocations
to States of Perfection in the World today",
organized by the Sacred Congregation for Religious,
December 16, 1961; AAS 54 (1962), p. 33; Lumen
Gentium, 42; Familiaris Consortio, 16. but also
the vocational meaning of marriage, which a
Christian can never regard as only a human venture.
As St. Paul says "This is a great mystery,
and I mean in reference to Christ and the church."
(Ephesians 5:32). Giving young people this firm
conviction is of supreme importance for the
good both of the Church and humanity which "depend
in great part on parents and on the family life
that they build in their homes". John Paul
II, Homily at the Mass in Limerick (Ireland),
October 1, 1979; L'Osservatore Romano, English
edition, October 15, 1979, pp. 6-7.
102. Parents should always strive to
give example and witness with their own lives
to fidelity to God and one another in the marriage
covenant. Their example is especially decisive
in adolescence, the phase when young people
are looking for lived and attractive behaviour
models. Since sexual problems become more evident
at this time, parents should also help them
to love the beauty and strength of chastity
through prudent advice, highlighting the inestimable
value of prayer and frequent fruitful recourse
to the sacraments for a chaste life, especially
personal confession. Furthermore, parents should
be capable of giving their children, when necessary,
a positive and serene explanation of the solid
points of Christian morality such as, for example,
the indissolubility of marriage and the relationship
between love and procreation, as well as the
immorality of premarital relations, abortion,
contraception and masturbation. With regard
to these immoral situations that contradict
the meaning of giving in marriage, it is also
good to recall that: "The two dimensions
of conjugal union, the unitive and the procreative,
cannot be artificially separated without damaging
the deepest truth of the conjugal act itself".
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane, 12. In
this regard, an in-depth and reflective knowledge
of the documents of the Church dealing with
these problems will be of valuable assistance
to parents. In addition to Gaudium et Spes,
47-52, Humanae Vitae and Familiaris Consortio,
there are other important Documents at their
disposal such as: the Congregation for the Doctrine
of the Faith, Persona Humana and the Letter
to Bishops of the Catholic Church on The Pastoral
Care of Homosexual Persons, October 1, 1986;
L'Osservatore Romano, English edition, November
10, 1986, pp. 2-3, and the Congregation for
Catholic Education, Educational Guidance in
Human Love, together with the teaching of the
Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2331-2400,
2514-2533.
103. Masturbation particularly constitutes
a very serious disorder that is illicit in itself
and cannot be morally justified, although "the
immaturity of adolescence (which can sometimes
persist after that age), psychological imbalance
or habit can influence behaviour, diminishing
the deliberate character of the act and bringing
about a situation whereby subjectively there
may not always be serious fault". Persona
Humana, 9. Therefore, adolescents should be
helped to overcome manifestations of this disorder,
which often express the inner conflicts of their
age and, in many cases, a selfish vision of
sexuality.
104. A particular problem that can appear
during the process of sexual maturation is homosexuality,
which is also spreading more and more in urbanized
societies. This phenomenon must be presented
with balanced judgement, in the light of the
documents of the Church. Documents of the Congregation
for the Doctrine of the Faith: Persona Humana
and The Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons
as well as the Catechism of the Catholic Church,
2357-2359. Young people need to be helped to
distinguish between the concepts of what is
normal and abnormal, between subjective guilt
and objective disorder, avoiding what would
arouse hostility. On the other hand, the structural
and complementary orientation of sexuality must
be well clarified in relation to marriage, procreation
and Christian chastity. "Homosexuality
refers to relations between men or between women
who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual
attraction toward persons of the same sex. It
has taken a great variety of forms through the
centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological
genesis remains largely unexplained". Catechism
of the Catholic Church, 2357. A distinction
must be made between a tendency that can be
innate and acts of homosexuality that "are
intrinsically disordered" Persona Humana,
8. and contrary to Natural Law. Cf. Catechism
of the Catholic Church, 2357.
Especially when the practice of homosexual
acts has not become a habit, many cases can
benefit from appropriate therapy. In any case,
persons in this situation must be accepted with
respect, dignity and delicacy, and all forms
of unjust discrimination must be avoided. If
parents notice the appearance of this tendency
or of related behaviour in their children, during
childhood or adolescence, they should seek help
from expert qualified persons in order to obtain
all possible assistance.
For most homosexual persons, this condition
constitutes a trial. "They must be accepted
with respect, compassion and sensitivity. Every
sign of unjust discrimination in their regard
should be avoided. These persons are called
to fulfil God's will in their lives and, if
they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice
of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may
encounter from their condition". Ibid.,
2358. "Homosexual persons are called to
chastity". Ibid., 2359.
105. Awareness of the positive significance
of sexuality for personal harmony and development,
as well as the person's vocation in the family,
society and the Church, always represents the
educational horizon to be presented during the
stages of adolescent growth. It must never be
forgotten that the disordered use of sex tends
progressively to destroy the person's capacity
to love by making pleasure, instead of sincere
self-giving, the end of sexuality and by reducing
other persons to objects of one's own gratification.
In this way the meaning of true love between
a man and a woman (love always open to life)
is weakened as well as the family itself. Moreover,
this subsequently leads to disdain for the human
life which could be conceived, which, in some
situations, is then regarded as an evil that
threatens personal pleasure. Together with awareness
of the particular strength of the libido—revealed
by study of the human psyche—this helps
us understand the teaching of the Church regarding
the seriousness of any disordered use of sex:
"According to Christian tradition...and
as right reason also recognizes, the moral order
of sexuality involves such high values of human
life that every direct violation of this order
is objectively serious.", Persona Humana,
10. (Note that the Church teaches the serious
character because of the object of the act,
but this does not exclude the absence of grave
guilt owing to the imperfection of the will.
Indeed, in the same number of Persona Humana,
it is made clear that, in this area, such imperfection
is quite possible). "The trivialization
of sexuality is among the principal factors
which have led to contempt for new life. Only
a true love is able to protect life". Evangelium
Vitae, 97.
106. We must also remember how adolescents
in industrialized societies are preoccupied
and at times disturbed not only by the problems
of self-identity, discovering their plan in
life and difficulties in successfully integrating
sexuality in a mature and well-oriented personality.
They also have problems in accepting themselves
and their bodies. In this regard, out-patient
and specialized centres for adolescents have
now sprung up, often characterized by purely
hedonistic purposes. On the other hand, a healthy
culture of the body leads to accepting oneself
as a gift and as an incarnated spirit, called
to be open to God and society. A healthy culture
of the body should accompany formation in this
very constructive period, which is also not
without its risks.
In the face of what hedonistic groups propose,
especially in affluent societies, it is very
important to present young people with the ideals
of human and Christian solidarity and concrete
ways of being committed in Church associations,
movements and voluntary Catholic and missionary
activities.
107. Friendships are very important
in this period. According to local social conditions
and customs, adolescence is a time when young
people enjoy more autonomy in their relations
with others and in the hours they keep in family
life. Without taking away their rightful autonomy,
when necessary, parents should know how to say
"no" to their children One only has
to think of the abuses that often take place
in some discotheques, even among boys and girls
under 16 years of age. and, at the same time,
they should know how to cultivate a taste in
their children for what is beautiful, noble
and true. Parents should also be sensitive to
adolescents' self-esteem, which may pass through
a confused phase when they are not clear about
what personal dignity means and requires.
108. Through loving and patient advice,
parents will help young people to avoid an excessive
closing in on themselves. When necessary, they
will also teach them to go against social trends
that tend to stifle true love and an appreciation
for spiritual realities: "Be sober, be
watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around
like a roaring lion, seeking some one to devour.
Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that
the same experience of suffering is required
of your brotherhood throughout the world. And
after you have suffered a little while, the
God of all grace, who has called you to his
eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore,
establish, and strengthen you." (1 Peter
5: 8-10).
4. Towards Adulthood
109. It is not within the scope of this
document to deal with the subject of proximate
and immediate preparation for marriage, required
for Christian formation and particularly recommended
by the needs of the times and Church teaching.
Cf. Familiaris Consortio, 66. Nevertheless,
it must be kept in mind that the parents' mission
does not end when their children come of legal
age which, in any case, varies according to
different cultures and laws. Some particularly
significant moments for young people are also
when they enter the working world or higher
education, moments when they come into contact
with different behaviour models and occasions
that represent a real personal challenge -a
brusque contact at times, but a potentially
beneficial one.
110. By keeping open a confident dialogue
that encourages a sense of responsibility and
respects their children's legitimate and necessary
autonomy, parents will always be their reference
point, through both advice and example, so that
the process of broader socialization will make
it possible for them to achieve a mature and
integrated personality, internally and socially.
In a special way, care should be taken that
children do not discontinue their faith relationship
with the Church and her activities which, on
the contrary, should be intensified. They should
learn how to choose models of thought and life
for their future and how to become committed
in the cultural and social area as Christians,
without fear of professing that they are Christians
and without losing a sense of vocation and the
search for their own vocation.
In the period leading to engagement and the
choice of that preferred attachment which can
lead to forming a family, the role of parents
should not consist merely in prohibitions, much
less in imposing the choice of a fiancée.
On the contrary, they should help their children
to define the necessary conditions for a serious,
honorable and promising union, and support them
on a path of clear and coherent Christian witness
in relating with the person of the other sex.
111. Parents should avoid adopting the
widespread mentality whereby girls are given
every recommendation regarding virtue and the
value of virginity, while the same is not required
for boys, as if everything were licit for them.
For a Christian conscience and a vision of
marriage and the family, St. Paul's recommendation
to the Philippians holds for every type of vocation:
"...whatever is true, whatever is honourable,
whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever
is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is
any excellency, if there is anything worthy
of praise, think about these things" (Philippians
4:8).
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VII—Practical Guidelines
112. In the context of education in
the virtues, parents thus have the task of making
themselves the promoters of their children's
authentic education for love. Through its very
nature, the primary generation of a human life
in the procreative act must be followed by the
secondary generation, whereby parents help their
child to develop his or her own personality.
Therefore, summing up what has been said so
far and putting it on a practical level, whatever
is set out in the following paragraphs is recommended.
The following recommendations have been formulated:
(a) in the light of the right of every person
to believe and practise the Catholic Faith:
cf. Second Vatican Council, Declaration on Religious
Freedom, Dignitatis Humanae, 1, 2, 5, 13, 14;
Charter of the Rights of the Family, Article
7; (b) in terms of the rights, freedom and dignity
of the family: cf. Preamble of the Charter of
the Rights of the Family; Dignitatis Humanae,
5; Familiaris Consortio, 26, 42, 46.
Recommendations for Parents and Educators
113. It is recommended that parents
be aware of their own educational role and defend
and carry out this primary right and duty. Cf.
Gravissimum Educationis, 3; Familiaris Consortio,
36; Charter of the Rights of the Family, Article
5. It follows that any educative activity, related
to education for love and carried out by persons
outside the family, must be subject to the parents'
acceptance of it and must be seen not as a substitute
but as a support for their work. In fact, "Sex
education, which is a basic right and duty of
parents, must always be carried out under their
attentive guidance whether at home or in educational
centres chosen and controlled by them."
Familiaris Consortio, 37. Frequently parents
are not lacking in awareness and effort, but
they are quite alone, defenceless and often
made to feel they are wrong. They need understanding,
but also support and help by groups, associations
and institutions.
1. Recommendations for Parents
114.1. It is recommended that parents
associate with other parents, not only in order
to protect, maintain or fill out their own role
as the primary educators of their children,
especially in the area of education for love,
Cf. Charter of the Rights of the Family, Articles
8 a. and 5 c.; Code of Canon Law, January 25,
1983, Canons 215, 223 $ 2, 799; Letter to Families,
Gratissimam Sane, 16. but also to fight against
damaging forms of sex education and to ensure
that their children will be educated according
to Christian principles and in a way that is
consonant with their personal development.
115.2. In the case where parents are
helped by others in educating their own children
for love, it is recommended that they keep themselves
precisely informed on the content and methodology
with which such supplementary education is imparted.
This recommendation is derived from the Charter
of the Rights of the Family, Article 5, c.,
d., e., because the right to know implies supervision
and control on the part of parents. No one can
bind children or young people to secrecy about
the content and method of instruction provided
outside the family.
116. 3. We are aware of the difficulty
and often the impossibility for parents to participate
fully in all supplementary instruction provided
outside the home. Nevertheless, they have the
right to be informed about the structure and
content of the programme. In all cases, their
right to be present during classes cannot be
denied. This recommendation is derived from
the Charter of the Rights of the Family, Article
5 c., d., e., because parents' participation
facilitates the supervision and control of their
own children's education for love
117.4. It is recommended that parents
attentively follow every form of sex education
that is given to their children outside the
home, removing their children whenever this
education does not correspond to their own principles.
This recommendation is derived from the Charter
of the Rights of the Family, Article 5 c., d.,
e., because the right to remove children from
sexual formation gives parents the freedom to
exercise their right to educate their own children
according to their conscience (Article 5 a.
of the Charter).
However, such a decision of the parents must
not become grounds for discrimination against
their children. Cf. Charter of the Rights of
the Family, Article 7. On the other hand, parents
who remove their children from such instruction
have the duty to give them an adequate formation,
appropriate to each child or young person's
stage of development. 2. Recommendations for
All Educators
118.1. Since each child or young person
must be able to live his or her own sexuality
in conformity with Christian principles, and
hence be able to exercise the virtue of chastity,
no educator not even parents—can interfere
with this right to chastity (cf. Matthew 18:
4-7). Ibid., Article 4 e.
119.2. It is recommended that respect
be given to the right of the child and the young
person to be adequately informed by their own
parents on moral and sexual questions in a way
that complies with his or her desire to be chaste
and to be formed in chastity. This recommendation
is derived from Gravissimum Educationis, 1.
This right is further qualified by a child's
stage of development, his or her capacity to
integrate moral truth with sexual information
and by respect for his or her innocence and
tranquility.
120.3. It is recommended that respect
be given to the right of the child or young
person to withdraw from any form of sexual instruction
imparted outside the home. This recommendation
is the practical extension of the right of the
child to be chaste, n. 118 above, and corresponds
to the parents' right, n. 117 above. Neither
the children nor other members of their family
should ever be penalized or discriminated against
for this decision.
Four Working Principles and Their Particular
Norms
121. In the light of these recommendations,
education for love can take concrete form in
four working principles.
122.1. Human sexuality is a sacred mystery
and must be presented according to the doctrinal
and moral teaching of the Church, always bearing
in mind the effects of original sin.
Informed by Christian reverence and realism,
this doctrinal principle must guide every moment
of education for love. In an age when the mystery
has been taken from human sexuality, parents
must take care to avoid trivializing human sexuality,
in their teaching and in the help offered by
others. In particular, profound respect must
be maintained for the difference between man
and woman which reflects the love and fruitfulness
of God himself.
123. At the same time, when teaching
Catholic doctrine and morality about sexuality,
the lasting effects of original sin must be
taken into account, that is to say, human weakness
and the need for the grace of God to overcome
temptations and avoid sin. In this regard, the
conscience of every individual must be formed
clearly, precisely and in accord with spiritual
values. But Catholic morality is never limited
to teaching about avoiding sin. It also deals
with growth in the Christian virtues and developing
the capacity for self-giving in the vocation
of one's own life.
124.2. Only information proportionate
to each phase of their individual development
should be presented to children and young people.
This principle of timing has already been presented
in the study of the various phases of the development
of children and young people. Parents and all
who help them should be sensitive: (a) to the
different phases of development, in particular,
the "years of innocence" and puberty,
(b) to the way each child or young person experiences
the various stages of life, (c) to particular
problems associated with these stages.
125. In the light of this principle,
the relevance of timing in relation to specific
problems can also be indicated.
(a) In later adolescence, young people
can first be introduced to the knowledge of
the signs of fertility and then to the natural
regulation of fertility, but only in the context
of education for love, fidelity in marriage,
God's plan for procreation and respect for human
life.
(b) Homosexuality should not be discussed
before adolescence unless a specific serious
problem has arisen in a particular situation.
Cf. Educational Guidance in Human Love, 101-103.
This subject must be presented only in terms
of chastity, health and "the truth about
human sexuality in its relationship to the family
as taught by the Church." The Pastoral
Care of Homosexual Persons, 17.
(c) Sexual perversions that are relatively
rare should not be dealt with except through
individual counseling, as the parents' response
to genuine problems.
126.3. No material of an erotic nature
should be presented to children or young people
of any age, individually or in a group.
This principle of decency must safeguard the
virtue of Christian chastity. Therefore in passing
on sexual information in the context of education
for love, the instruction must always be "positive
and prudent" Gravissimum Educationis, 1.
and "clear and delicate". Familiaris
Consortio, 37. These four words used by the
Catholic Church exclude every form of unacceptable
content in sexual education. For example: (a)
visual erotic material, (b) written or verbal
erotic presentations (cf. Educational Guidance
in Human Love, 76), (c) obscene or coarse language,
(d) indecent humour, (e) the denigration of
chastity and (f) attempts to minimize the gravity
of sin against this virtue.
Moreover, even if they are not erotic, graphic
and realistic representations of childbirth,
for example in a film, should be made known
gradually, so as not to create fear and negative
attitudes towards procreation in girls and young
women.
127.4. No one should ever be invited,
let alone obliged, to act in any way that could
objectively offend against modesty or which
could subjectively offend against his or her
own delicacy or sense of privacy.
This principle of respect for the child excludes
all improper forms of involving children and
young people. In this regard, among other things,
this can include the following methods that
abuse sex education: (a) every "dramatized"
representation, mime or "role playing"
which depict genital or erotic matters, (b)
making drawings, charts or models etc. of this
nature, (c) seeking personal information about
sexual questions Excluding the context of prudent
and appropriate teaching about the natural regulation
of fertility. or asking that family information
be divulged, (d) oral or written exams about
genital or erotic questions.
Particular Methods
128. Parents and all who help them should
keep these principles and norms in mind when
they take up various methods which seem suitable
in the light of parental and expert experience.
We will now go on to single out these recommended
methods. The main methods to avoid will also
be indicated, together with the ideologies that
promote and inspire them.
(a) Recommended Methods
129. The normal and fundamental method,
already proposed in this guide, is personal
dialogue between parents and their children,
that is, individual formation within the family
circle. In fact there is no substitute for a
dialogue of trust and openness between parents
and their children, a dialogue which respects
not only their stages of development but also
the young persons as individuals. However, when
parents seek help from others, there are various
useful methods which can be recommended in the
light of parental experience and in conformity
with Christian prudence.
130.1. As couples or as individuals,
parents can meet with others who are prepared
for education for love to draw on their experience
and competence. These people can offer explanations
and provide parents with books and other resources
approved by the ecclesiastical authorities.
131.2. Parents who are not always prepared
to face up to the problematic side of education
for love can take part in meetings with their
children, guided by expert persons who are worthy
of trust, for example, doctors, priests, educators.
In some cases, in the interest of greater freedom
of expression, meetings where only daughters
or sons are present seem preferable.
132.3. In certain situations, parents
can entrust part of education for love to another
trustworthy person, if there are matters which
require a specific competence or pastoral care
in particular cases.
133.4. Catechesis on morality may be
provided by other trustworthy persons, with
particular emphasis on sexual ethics at puberty
and adolescence. Parents should take an interest
in the moral catechesis which is given to their
own children outside the home and use it as
a support for their own educational work. Such
catechesis must not include the more intimate
aspects of sexual information, whether biological
or affective, which belong to individual formation
within the family. Cf. Educational Guidance
in Human Love, 58.
134.5. The religious formation of the
parents themselves, in particular solid catechetical
preparation of adults in the truth of love,
builds the foundations of a mature faith that
can guide them in the formation of their own
children. Cf. Ibid., 63. This adult catechesis
enables them not only to deepen their understanding
of the community of life and love in marriage,
but also helps them learn how to communicate
better with their own children. Furthermore,
in the very process of forming their children
in love, parents will find that they benefit
much, because they will discover that this ministry
of love helps them to "maintain a living
awareness of the 'gift' they continually receive
from their children." Familiaris Consortio,
21. To make parents capable of carrying out
their educational work, special formation courses
with the help of experts can be promoted.
(b) Methods and Ideologies to Avoid
135. Today parents should be attentive
to ways in which an immoral education can be
passed on to their children through various
methods promoted by groups with positions and
interests contrary to Christian morality. Cf.
Letter to Families, Gratissimam Sane, 13. It
would be impossible to indicate all unacceptable
methods. Here are presented only some of the
more widely diffused methods that threaten the
rights of parents and the moral life of their
children.
136. In the first place, parents must
reject secularized and antinatalist sex education,
which puts God at the margin of life and regards
the birth of a child as a threat. This sex education
is spread by large organizations and international
associations that promote abortion, sterilization
and contraception. These organizations want
to impose a false lifestyle against the truth
of human sexuality. Working at national or state
levels, these organizations try to arouse the
fear of the "threat of over-population"
among children and young people to promote the
contraceptive mentality, that is, the "anti-life"
mentality. They spread false ideas about the
"reproductive health" and "sexual
and reproductive rights" of young people.
Cf. Pontifical Council for the Family, "Instrumentum
laboris", Ethical and Pastoral Dimensions
of Population Trends, Libreria Editrice Vaticana,
March 25, 1994, 28 and 84; Educational Guidance
in Human Love, 62. Furthermore, some antinatalist
organizations maintain those clinics which,
violating the rights of parents, provide abortion
and contraception for young people, thus promoting
promiscuity and consequently an increase in
teenage pregnancies. "As we look towards
the year 2000, how can we fail to think of the
young? What is being held up to them? A society
of 'things' and not of 'persons'. The right
to do as they will from their earliest years,
without any constraint, provided it is 'safe'.
The unreserved gift of self, mastery of one's
instincts, the sense of responsibility—these
are notions considered as belonging to another
age." Letter of the Holy Father to the
Heads of State in view of the Cairo Conference,
March 19, 1994; L'Osservatore Romano, English
edition, April 20, 1994, p. 1.
137. Before adolescence, the immoral
nature of abortion, surgical or chemical, can
be gradually explained in terms of Catholic
morality and reverence for human life. Cf. Evangelium
Vitae, 58-63.
As regards sterilization and contraception,
these should not be discussed before adolescence
and only in conformity with the teaching of
the Catholic Church. Cf. Educational Guidance
in Human Love, 62. Therefore the moral, spiritual
and health values of methods for the natural
regulation of fertility will be emphasized,
at the same time indicating the dangers and
ethical aspects of the artificial methods. In
particular, the substantial and deep difference
between natural methods and artificial methods
will be shown, both with regard to respect for
God's plan for marriage as well as for achieving
"the total reciprocal self-giving of husband
and wife" Familiaris Consortio, 32. and
openness to life.
138. In some societies professional
associations of sex-educators, sex-counsellors
and sex-therapists are operating. Because their
work is often based on unsound theories, lacking
scientific value and closed to an authentic
anthropology, theories that do not recognize
the true value of chastity, parents should regard
such associations with great caution, no matter
what official recognition they may have received.
When their outlook is out of harmony with the
teachings of the Church, this is evident not
only in their work, but also in their publications
which are widely diffused in various countries.
139. Another abuse occurs whenever sex
education is given to children by teaching them
all the intimate details of genital relationships,
even in a graphic way. Today this is often motivated
by wanting to provide education for "safe
sex", above all in relation to the spread
of AIDS. In this situation, parents must also
reject the promotion of so-called "safe
sex" or "safer sex", a dangerous
and immoral policy based on the deluded theory
that the condom can provide adequate protection
against AIDS. Parents must insist on continence
outside marriage and fidelity in marriage as
the only true and secure education for the prevention
of this contagious disease.
140. One widely-used, but possibly harmful,
approach goes by the name of "values clarification".
Young people are encouraged to reflect upon,
to clarify and to decide upon moral issues with
the greatest degree of "autonomy",
ignoring the objective reality of the moral
law in general and disregarding the formation
of consciences on the specific Christian moral
precepts, as affirmed by the Magisterium of
the Church. Cf. John Paul II, Encyclical Letter,
Veritatis Splendor, August 6, 1993, 95-97; AAS
85 (1993), pp. 1208-1210. Young people are given
the idea that a moral code is something which
they create themselves, as if man were the source
and norm of morality.
However, the values clarification method impedes
the true freedom and autonomy of young people
at an insecure stage of their development. Cf.
Ibid., 41, on man's true moral autonomy. In
practice, not only is the opinion of the majority
favoured, but complex moral situations are put
before young people, far removed from the normal
moral choices they face each day, in which good
or evil are easily recognizable. This unacceptable
method tends to be closely linked with moral
relativism, and thus encourages indifference
to moral law and permissiveness.
141. Parents should also be attentive
to ways in which sexual instruction can be inserted
in the context of other subjects which are otherwise
useful (for example, health and hygiene, personal
development, family life, children's literature,
social and cultural studies etc.). In these
situations it is more difficult to control the
content of sexual instruction. This method of
inclusion is used in particular by those who
promote sex instruction within the perspective
of birth control or in countries where the government
does not respect the rights of parents in this
field. But catechesis would also be distorted
if the inseparable links between religion and
morality were to be used as a pretext for introducing
into religious instruction the biological and
affective sexual information which the parents
should give according to their prudent decision
in their own home. Cf. Educational Guidance
in Human Love, 58.
142. Finally, as a general guideline,
one needs to bear in mind, that all the different
methods of sexual education should be judged
by parents in the light of the principles and
moral norms of the Church, which express human
values in daily life. Cf. Ibid., 19; Familiaris
Consortio, 37. The negative effects which various
methods can produce in the personality of children
and young people should also be taken into account.
Inculturation and Education for Love
143. An authentic education for love
must take account of the cultural context in
which the parents and their children live. As
a union between professed faith and concrete
life, inculturization means creating a harmonious
relationship between faith and culture, where
Christ and his Gospel have absolute precedence
over culture. "Therefore, because it transcends
the entire natural and cultural order, the Christian
faith is, on the one hand, compatible with all
cultures insofar as they conform to right reason
and good will, and, on the other hand, to an
eminent degree, is a dynamizing factor of culture.
A single principle explains the totality of
relationships between faith and culture: Grace
respects nature, healing in it the wounds of
sin, comforting and elevating it. Elevation
to the divine life is the specific finality
of grace, but it cannot realize this unless
nature is healed and unless elevation to the
supernatural order brings nature, in the way
proper to itself, to the plenitude of perfection."
International Theological Commission, Faith
and Inculturization, I, 10, October 3-8, 1988.
Therefore, explicit and premature sex education
can never be justified in the name of a prevailing
secularized culture. On the contrary, parents
must educate their own children to understand
and face up to the forces of this culture, so
that they may always follow the way of Christ.
144. In traditional cultures, parents
must not accept practices which are contrary
to Christian morality, for example rites associated
with puberty which sometimes involve introducing
young people to sexual practices or acts contrary
to the dignity and rights of the person, such
as the genital mutilation of girls. Thus the
authorities of the Church are to judge whether
local customs are compatible with Christian
morality. But, the traditions of modesty and
reserve in sexual matters, which characterize
various societies, must be respected everywhere.
At the same time, the right of young people
to adequate information must be maintained.
Furthermore, the particular role of the family
in such a culture must be respected, Cf. Familiaris
Consortio, 66. without imposing any Western
model of sex education.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
VIII—Conclusion
Assistance for Parents
145. There are various way of helping
and supporting parents in fulfilling their fundamental
right and duty to educate their children for
love. Such assistance never means taking from
parents or diminishing their formative right
and duty, because they remain "original
and primary", "irreplaceable and inalienable".
Cf. Familiaris Consortio, 36 and 40; Letter
to Families, Gratissimam Sane, 16. Therefore,
the role which others can carry out in helping
parents is always (a) subsidiary, because the
formative role of the family is always preferable,
and (b) subordinate, that is, subject to the
parents' attentive guidance and control. Everyone
must observe the right order of cooperation
and collaboration between parents and those
who can help them in their task. It is clear
that the assistance of others must be given
first and foremost to parents rather than to
their children.
146. Those who are called to help parents
in educating their children for love must be
disposed and prepared to teach in conformity
with the authentic moral doctrine of the Catholic
Church. Moreover, they must be mature persons,
of a good moral reputation, faithful to their
own Christian state of life, married or single,
laity, religious or priests. They must not only
be prepared in the details of moral and sexual
information but they must also be sensitive
to the rights and role of parents and the family,
as well as the needs and problems of children
and young people. Those who help parents can
adapt the principles indicated for teachers
in Educational Guidance in Human Love, 79-89.
In this way, in the light of the principles
and content of this guide, they must enter "into
the same spirit that animates parents."
Familiaris Consortio, 37. But if parents believe
themselves to be capable of providing an adequate
education for love, they are not bound to accept
assistance.
Valid Sources for Education for Love
147. The Pontifical Council for the
Family is aware of the great need for valid
material, specifically prepared for parents
in conformity with the principles set out in
this guide. Parents who are competent in this
field and convinced of these principles should
be involved in preparing this material. They
will thus be able to offer their own experience
and wisdom in order to help others educate their
children for chastity. Parents will also welcome
the assistance and supervision of the appropriate
ecclesiastical authorities in promoting suitable
material and in removing or correcting what
does not conform to the principles set out in
this guide, concerning doctrine, timing and
the content and method of such education. See
above, nos. 65-76, 121-144. These principles
also apply to all the modern means of social
communication. In a special way, this Pontifical
Council for the Family is counting on the work
of sensitization and support by the Episcopal
Conferences, who will know how to vindicate,
where necessary, the right of the family and
parents and their proper domains, also with
regard to State educational programmes.
Solidarity with Parents
148. In fulfilling a ministry of love
to their own children, parents should enjoy
the support and cooperation of the other members
of the Church. The rights of parents must be
recognized, protected and maintained, not only
to ensure solid formation of children and young
people, but also to guarantee the right order
of cooperation and collaboration between parents
and those who can help them in their task. Likewise,
in parishes or apostolates, clergy and religious
should support and encourage parents in striving
to form their own children. In their turn, parents
should remember that the family is not the only
or exclusive formative community. Thus they
should cultivate a cordial and active relationship
with other persons who can help them, while
never forgetting their own inalienable rights.
Hope and Trust
149. In the face of many challenges
to Christian chastity, the gifts of nature and
grace which parents enjoy always remain the
most solid foundations on which the Church forms
her children. Much of the formation in the home
is indirect, incarnated in a loving and tender
atmosphere, for it arises from the presence
and example of parents whose love is pure and
generous. If parents are given confidence in
this task of education for love, they will be
inspired to overcome the challenges and problems
of our times by their own ministry of love.
150. The Pontifical Council for the
Family therefore urges parents to have confidence
in their rights and duties regarding the education
of their children, so as to go forward with
wisdom and knowledge, knowing that they are
sustained by God's gift. In this noble task,
may parents always place their trust in God
through prayer to the Holy Spirit, the gentle
Paraclete and Giver of all good gifts. May they
seek the powerful intercession and protection
of Mary Immaculate, the Virgin Mother of fair
love and model of faithful purity. Let them
also invoke Saint Joseph, her just and chaste
spouse, following his example of fidelity and
purity of heart. Cf. John Paul II, Apostolic
Exhortation, Redemptoris Custos, August 15,
1990, 31; AAS 82 (1990), p. 33. May parents
constantly rely on the love which they offer
to their own children, a love which "casts
out fear", which "bears all things,
believes all things, hopes all things, endures
all things" (1 Corinthians 13: 7). Such
love is and must be aimed towards eternity,
towards the unending happiness promised by Our
Lord Jesus Christ to those who follow him: "Blessed
are the pure of heart, for they shall see God."
(Matthew 5: 8).
Vatican City, November 21, 1995
Alfonso Card. Lopez Trujillo
President of the Pontifical Council for the
Family
Elio Sgreccia
Titular Bishop of Zama Minor
Secretary of the Pontifical Council for the
Family
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